The Following Morning

With both fists I started grinding crud out of my eyes that felt like it must have been the size of driveway gravel. Sleeping soundly I had no memory of the phone conversation with Autumn last night. Everything seemed normal enough, but as I sat up in bed and my mind slowly recovered from hours of darkness a terrible sense of something about to go very wrong engulfed me. I couldn’t put it together. Then I remembered I told Autumn we were done. As that recollection hammered it’s way home in my head, my stomach sunk like a cannonball sized hole had been blown straight through it. The hole was filling up fast with butterflies, and dread.

Honestly this was not what I wanted for both of us. I wanted the opposite for our relationship but Autumn was difficult shutting down every open window of opportunity. Overwhelming aggravation with her stubbornness is what finally pushed me too far. Still, this really wasn’t what I wanted. For a moment as I sat there in my bed thinking about what to do next I considered calling her right then to talk about working things out. Saving the relationship somehow. I knew what she would say though. And I would feel entirely stupid for suggesting such things. Instead I chose to stay quiet for now. Let things settle and talk to her some more in a day or two. The weekend deadline for returning personal belongings and house keys was still off by a couple of days. Maybe Autumn might even change her mind on her own and come back to me willing to make some real compromises for once.

Yeah, well probably not. During the past five years Autumn and I have been together she hasn’t made many compromises or been willing to work on stuff with me. I shouldn’t expect her to change now although it’s a nice thought. One of my general theories about people is the older we get the more set in our ways we become. People become comfortable with the choices they have made leading up to now and probably convince themselves that their way of thinking is superior to most other people. So why invest any effort to change? Everyone else is the asshole but you’ve got it all figured out. I suspect most individuals are like this whether they realize it or not. I know my father was like that. Autumn is largely the same way. Just not as obnoxious about it. Hell, I am too. But I’m at least aware of it and I’m trying to keep an open mind about things.

It’s damn tough though.

Well, I got to get up and head out for work. Have to worry about this junk later.

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~ by factorypeasant on April 27, 2008.

One Response to “The Following Morning”

  1. rough man

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