Kramden & Norton Award Winners

With each passing week lucky employees (losers) in Building 4 handed off the coveted Frost & Sullivan paperweight award thingy. Marketers, engineers, and managers appeared to be the only people who got the award. The first few times it was bestowed upon somebody the employee giving it away would write a letter in an email explaining why they felt this person deserved it. Those emails were genuine, and thoughtful. It would be quickly followed by an acceptance speech in a response email that also showered praise upon the Frost & Sullivan Award’s previous holder.

It was obnoxious and annoying after the paperweight made it to the third or fourth employee. I skimmed the emails announcing who had won the Frost & Sullivan beyond that point in time. Somewhere between the fifteenth and the twentieth person to have that useless consulting firm award dumped on their desk I deleted the emails heralding each winner’s individual achievements. Who cares. The whole Frost & Sullivan Award experience got old. Then an interesting thing happened. Some employees began responding via email demanding they be removed from the Frost & Sullivan Award distribution list. People were getting tired of the shit.

Shortly thereafter, JP launched his parody of the Frost & Sullivan which he called “The Kramden & Norton Award.” The Kramden & Norton is a small pewter colored, faceless, bobble-head statue of a cheerleader with a pom-pom in one hand and a megaphone in the other as if she was making an announcement to a crowd of spectators. At her feet an inscription reads, “You serve as a warning to others.” JP’s idea was simple: make fun of the Frost & Sullivan Award and at the same time hassle fellow employees for doing retarded stuff on the job. JP wanted each employee who received the Kramden & Norton to write in an email why a fellow coworker totally sucked real bad. Then everyone else in the department could join in on the beatdowns to follow.

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The very first Kramden & Norton Award Winner was Knuckles. JP wrote:

Hi all.

I would like to christen the new Kramden & Norton award by giving this prestigious trophy to ‘Knuckles’ for his Persistent Dedication to the UNR Reference board. Knuckles embodies everything Bill and Dave in his dedication to the efforts he puts forward in Testing and Troubleshooting the UNR reference board. This is why Knuckles is MY HERO!!

Knuckles, it is now your turn to nominate the next recipient of the Kramden & Norton Award.

There are no specific requirements necessary to be nominated for this prestigious award. You may be as skilled as Knuckles here or as incompetent as Craig ‘I Want To Be A Tech.’ So yes, even you B-rad can be nominated.

This award is intended for all of the hard working Sources Production/NPI and Engineering staff who consistently work beyond their bandwidth, juggling multiple plates, to make this wonderful place such a win-win proposition.

JP

BTW: Craig ‘I Wanna Be A Tech,’ you will distribute this among the NPI and Production Engineering staff.

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~ by factorypeasant on July 3, 2007.

7 Responses to “Kramden & Norton Award Winners”

  1. The tech’s in our dept. passed around a “miriam” tag. You were bestowed this award when you got caught doing something really bone-headed. The award itself was one of those black name plaques that attach to the top of a cubicle wall. The “miraim” plaque was a left-over from one “not-a-genius” employee that was layed off early on. The idea was, once it was awarded to you, you had to display the plaque on your desk until you caught someone else doing something dumb enough to warrant receiving it.

  2. miriam, huh? you never mentioned that before. interesting… i’ll have to get the backstory from you later on that.

    i don’t suppose you remember Robert C. handing out his “Mack” award when someone really fucked up in the closed area back at TDS. that was some funnie shit.

  3. i musta missed out on the Mack award. Boomer was in on the miriam tag action too.

  4. b00mer is a maniac.

    okay so the mack award. i don’t remember exactly when Robert started dishing those out in the closed area but it was amusing. remember when you would walk into the closed area just inside the double doors off to your right there was an employee mailbox shelf. well, when someone fucked up real bad Robert would photocopy a picture he had taken with his 35mm camera of a front grill on a dumptruck. it was a Mack truck, the letters were slightly off center in the photo. Robert’s philosophy regarding the mack truck was you as his coworker did something so completely retarded that it caused him and everyone else in the department severe pain; like you had just been bent over and a Mack truck went straight up your bunghole. Robert would put a copy of the Mack award photo in your mailbox and write on the back what you had done to earn it.

    you were probably unaware of the Mack award because you never had an opportunity to earn one. i mean, how could you possibly mess up cleaning flex prints?? heh.

    i earned my Mack award when i wrecked a couple hundred of those new SFW housings. those were the PEP versions with the brass colored ends on them instead of all black. remember that screw up, eh?

  5. The “miram” tag was not quite the same. To earn it you just had to do something really boneheaded, normally no pain to others involved. However miriam herself in our area had quite the reputation for being an idgit, that getting the name plate put in your area caused the recipient quite a bit of pain. I was quite suprised to see how this award caught on, it started out as just a joke between; lowblow, one eye and myself, but soon grew. I actually saw some day techs with the tag on their cube a couple times.

    I’ll have to fill you in some time about some of the crap this cheese doodle of a person did.

    Maniac huh!!

  6. okay so now that both of you guys have explained satisfactorily *what* the miriam award is… i need some miriam stories. what did that dingbat do that was dum enough to leave such a legacy behind?? was she one of The Beard’s pets? i MUST know.

  7. You hit the nail on the head, concisely put she was a “Beard” disciple. A data entry person who would regularly tell everyone that her job was harder than anyone elses. Routinely in line meetings she would challenge anyone to change jobs with her because after all it was easy to be a tech “all they do is swap out those boardie things until it works.”

    I could deal with that stupid nonsense. What really bugged me is that she couldn’t keep her nose out of other people’s business. That quality ended up getting someone fired, yes fired during layoff times of all things. The actual circumstances surrounding the firing are a little lengthy and I’m not saying that the dude didn’t deserve to get fired. I don’t know if he did what he was accused of doing, but I know that miriam didn’t know either, but she couldn’t keep out of it and kept pushing it forcing management to act. Lowblow knows of this issue too and may be better at filling you in on the details.

    There were lots of irritating qualities about her, but the firing issue pretty much typified her personality.

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