Today in Customer Sim Olaf and Marc played another practical joke on Five Watt. They’re heroes in my book for terrorizing her. Damn that lady is clueless. Five Watt happens to be a woman who is particularly ignorant when it comes to cars. Some women are like that, they don’t know a damn thing about their vehicle and could care less. As long as it starts up every time and runs they’re happy as can be. A car is little more than a rolling purse to females like Five Watt. Throw a handful of old receipts inside, toss a couple of lipsticks around and she’s good to go.

Five Watt subjects everyone around her to annoying fits of stupidity. I have come to refer to her episodes as “Blond Moments.” During a blond moment, Five Watt has no ability to comprehend reality. A prime example of her retarded action took place the other day when she failed to understand how big nine tenths of an inch is. You can’t reason with her at all when she is having a blond moment. Either ride it out or come back later when a modicum of sanity has hopefully returned to her skull. Anyway, Five Watt’s behavior is wearing down Olaf and Marc something fierce. So they’ve been having a little fun at her expense. They autoshopped her. Autoshopping is when you make up some non-existent car part like a muffler bearing or conjure up an imaginary automotive feature. Then you try to get a gullible person to repair or locate said phantom part while you watch, laughing the whole time at them. It’s neat.

Olaf wanted to get Five Watt out of their area for a few minutes so Marc and himself could take a breather. He started talking to Five Watt about her car, asking what kind of vehicle she had, mundane details about it, etc. Then he asked Five Watt a specific question about her car’s headlights. What kind were they?

Five Watt replied, “It’s got halogen headlights.”

“Uh, when was the last time you had the halogen fluid level checked in your lights?” Olaf asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you know they have to be filled with halogen liquid? If you don’t fill them up they dry out and stop working.”

Five Watt thought about it. “Really?”

Olaf told her, “Yeah. You should check the headlight fluid levels right away if you haven’t before. Don’t want ’em burning out or anything. That could be dangerous at night.”

Five Watt agreed with Olaf. Worried, she immediately got up from her desk in Customer Sim and left the building. Five Watt told the guys she would only be gone a few minutes to inspect her car’s halogen fluid in the headlights. The moment she was gone they began laughing hysterically like a couple of maniacs. Olaf called my extension and related the story. I had to admit it was pretty fucking funny. What a chump, Five Watt totally believed them.


~ by factorypeasant on June 6, 2007.

2 Responses to “Autoshopped”

  1. Yeah, the forbezider valve could be sticking, too.

  2. hmmmm. forbezider valve. that’s a good one. gonna hafta remember it for future use. thanks.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: