Nine Tenths Of An Inch

Over in Customer Sim there’s a bleached blond female technician named Lisa that is a raging dingbat. She’s one of those stereotypical airheaded blond chicks that has little in the way of common sense and frequently does really stupid shit at work. She’s a girly girl. Supposedly Lisa is a lead technician, what we refer to here at Bill and Dave’s company as a Level 95 tech- which is just below an engineering rank. I have no clue how in the hell she got that position since she’s dumber than a box of rocks. Actually I take that back. I do have an idea how she ended up scoring a lead tech job. Lisa has a tight bod and a sweet rack even though she’s getting up there in years. Once upon a time she must have been pretty hot. Managers around here always promote women who look good into job positions they are unqualified for. If a broad is halfway decent looking that will trump other prospective candidates with a college degree or years of strong on the job experience.

The other day I get a call from Lisa about a box she is rejecting for a scratch in the rear panel. I walk around the corner from RF Sources down the hall about twenty feet and make a right into the Customer Sim area. Lisa sidelined the unit on a rolling shipment rack. As soon as I arrived she points out a tiny scratch in the rear panel metal. Our spec for the rear panel brushed aluminum is nine tenths of an inch. The scratch Lisa pointed out to me was minuscule, barely a ding. I didn’t see a problem and told Lisa so. The box should pass her cosmetic inspection. She got angry and kept saying it didn’t meet spec repeating our nine tenths of an inch limit. When I explained to her that nine tenths of an inch is like, kinda almost a whole inch she reacted like I spoke Chinese and kept babbling at me that the scratch was too big. Then it hit me, she was reading the spec as .009 of an inch. Idiot.

Haggling with her for a few minutes over the difference between .9 and .009 I finally gave up. Lisa was being too retarded for me to deal with. Frustrated, I was about to attempt to beat the stupid out of her. Instead I wisely chose to go get The Bossman and watch as he tried to straighten her out. I told Lisa to stay put. Quickly walking back through my department to the Bossman’s cubicle I mentioned I had an issue in Customer Sim and he needed to make a call. I didn’t give him any details because I wanted to see what his reaction was going to be when he discovered Lisa can’t even make a simple measurement like nine tenths of an inch.

What a show I got. The Bossman was livid by the third time he tried to explain in simple terms to the airhead that .9 of an inch is not .009. She kept agreeing with him while saying the scratch was beyond the spec limit. Holy shit. I was about to laugh in her face for being so dumb. Eventually the Bossman got through to Lisa somehow and the instrument passed cosmetic inspection. When the two of us were in the hallway walking away shoulder to shoulder the Bossman whispered under his breath how he couldn’t believe Lisa was that dense. She is. I think maybe I will start calling her Five Watt, because she is kinda dim like a five watt lightbulb.

Customer Sim is a pain in the ass. Lately us instrument line dudes have had to mess with those Customer Sim dopes more often because they keep rejecting finished boxes for inane reasons. Personally I’m getting real tired of dealing with their bullshit. For example, one guy over there is constantly holding customer shipments of our RF/Microwave signal generators because he keeps laying into the front panel keypads with his fingers. This guy is so heavy-handed while performing a keypad check that he literally jams the keys behind the front panel faceplate. Then he says the keys are misaligned or have bad spring detent or whatever and fails the unit. One of us will have to drop what we are doing, go over there, and retest the keys ultimately coming clean with no failures. Waste of time. He needs to have his fingers calibrated.

An argument with Keypad Guy is the outcome every damn time we head over to Customer Sim to resolve a stuck button issue. And I should mention he’s the only employee in their crew that routinely fails boxes for sticky keys. I am convinced the Keypad Guy is not human. He’s an android that wears the same baseball cap on his head 365 days a year. Or he’s an alien being that has to wear a ballcap to hide his antennae. I’ve never actually seen his hair which leads me to believe that he will die if the baseball cap is not securely in place on his noggin. Perhaps he wears it to conceal from human eyes the android circuitry in his head. I will probably never know for sure. Also I have never seen him smile. Not once.

Lisa isn’t the only nitwit lady in Customer Sim, oh no. Lisa is probably the more contemptible of the two women because she has a job that should be reserved for an intelligent person. The other goofy chick is an equestrian who has problems with mountainbikers and collects glass telephone pole insulators. I get along with her well enough but whenever she comes into the instrument line area she is easily offended by the most mundane of conversations. I don’t have much tolerance for that kind of shit. Recently she nutted up on us in MI/EI over some nicknames we have bestowed upon one another.

We call one of our top engineers “Dr. Fist” as a joke, like he rules the department with an iron fist. Well, this horse-loving Customer Sim dunce took “Dr. Fist” as having a vague sexual reference and flipped out about it. After her snit she complained to The Bossman. We all got together in Button Up and decided the horse lady must not get laid ever and has some sexual problems. We’ve decided from here on out to banish her from the department. Nobody here needs that kind of mentally ill junk coming from an outsider employee. Better to keep her at a distance otherwise we’re going to have more trouble out of that one.


~ by factorypeasant on May 25, 2007.

2 Responses to “Nine Tenths Of An Inch”

  1. 5watt likely got used to exagerating the size of things by dating coked up managers with .009″ peckers.


  2. tru dat.


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