Squirrel Fishin’

I slept solid last night. I could sleep for another day and a half before feeling normal again. Right now it’s like being on acid.

Before we left for our Yosemite trip I had one special request. I asked Autumn if we could add a couple bags of roasted, unsalted, unshelled peanuts to our camping grocery list. I had diabolical plans for the peanuts once we reached Dimond O. Anticipating that there would be hordes of hungry squirrels at the campsite I wanted to see if I could duplicate an experiment conducted by some dopey college kids. The exercise was fairly simple: scatter peanuts on the ground as bait and tie one peanut to the end of a string. Wait for a squirrel to grab the bad peanut and then see how long the rodent holds on whilst you hoist him into the air.

Seemed like a good time to me.

Today was the day to mess with squirrels, I decided. Only problem was, after I dumped a dozen peanuts on the ground nearby no squirrels showed up. I had a bad peanut tied to twenty feet of white twine and dropped it in the center of my peanut bait field. A bleached white driftwood stick about four feet long was my squirrel fishing rod to which the other end of the twine was tied. Gripping my podunk squirrel fishing rod tightly I sat on the edge of our campsite’s picnic table waiting.

No squirrels showed up. None.

Here we are in the middle of dense redwood forests and there didn’t appear to be a single fucking ground squirrel. What the hell?

Then something I didn’t expect to happen, happened.

A swarm of lousy blue jays descended from the trees. Like a peanut crazed mob the birds swooped down and plucked peanuts off the ground. Quickly flying back into the redwoods high above me they wasted little time eviscerating the peanuts from their shells. Then they obnoxiously came back for more. I tossed another handful of peanuts to the ground. With each wave the birds became more bold. One of the hapless birds snagged the bad peanut much to my amusement and began flying upwards. The twenty or so feet of twine lifted off of the ground, grew taught, and then the peanut ripped out of the bird’s beak falling gracefully down to the ground.

That blue jay was seriously angry about being robbed. It flew backwards to the nearest tree and grabbed onto it’s bark. The bird stood there clutching at the tree completely horizontal to the ground screeching at the peanut below. Another of the blue jays flew to the ground, ran up to the spiked peanut and tried to fly away with it. Same thing happened. The prized peanut was yanked free to produce another pissed off bird. Within a matter of a few minutes other jays made an attempt at swiping that peanut. I was laughing hysterically at them. Before I knew it there was at least a dozen of these jays standing around pecking at the peanut, screeching at it.

Blue jays are for the most part aggressive little birds that are known for being obnoxious pests. These jays seemed to me to be extra annoying. And they looked different from the ones around where I live. The ones here in Yosemite have black heads with feathers that come to a point over their eyes that resembles a shark fin. Makes them look like they’re little punk rock assholes, wearing their feathers in a mohawk cut on their noggins. Never seen that before.

I threw another handful of peanuts onto the ground. Jays snapped them up in seconds. A few of my victims tried again and again to get the peanut on the end of that twine. With a slight tug of my wrist the line pulled that peanut free of bird beaks over and over again. These fine feathered chumps were turning out to be far more entertaining to fuck with than terrorizing a few retarded squirrels. I was smiling ear to ear and laughing like Curly in an episode of The Three Stooges where he’s fishing for a clam in a bowl of soup.


~ by factorypeasant on April 30, 2007.

4 Responses to “Squirrel Fishin’”

  1. you should repeat this experiment some time on video. Then when we are old and all the squirls and birds are dead we can sit back and drink beer and take pills and remember how it used to be.


  2. Mmmm… squirrel is good eatin’ yes it is. Almost as good as sea gull, and you catch ’em pretty much the same way. Tie some fishing line to a piece of junk fish, drop the line between the slats of the pier you’re hiding under, and hold on to the other end. Gull Under Visqueen, Gull Au Thunderbird, even Sea Gull Fricassee, so good.

  3. Next time you do that, even if it is just with bluejays, video tape it and email it to me. PLEASE? LOL

    I’m going to try fishing for ground squirrels next week, but I’m going to tie a slipknot in some actual fishing line and try to catch one coming out of his hole. Then play him for awhile so that I get some good footage for the PETA people….

    Thanks for the laugh,


  4. SS- will do, boss. good luck with your brand of PETA squirrel fishin. speaking of PETA stuff if you haven’t checked it out already you’ll probably want to hop on over to dogbegone and check out a few of their short video clips. they’ll make you giggle.

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