Dad’s Got A Bit Of An Outsourcing Habit

Written By John R.


I work in a company that for decades was paternalistic. They treated their employees like family. Well, now we are like a dysfunctional family.

Dad’s got a bit of an outsourcing habit. Let me tell you our story: It started out so innocently. All his friends and peers are outsourcers. During the Internet bubble party, Dad was having a great time and adopted thousands more of us kids. Then the party ended. For a while, he tried to cut costs to make up for the shortfall, but he had ramped up too much. We even cut back on our meals. Dad had 10% less to eat, and all of us kids had 5% less. It was clear that the binging at the Internet bubble party was too much. We couldn’t just tighten our belts a little. So Dad had to ask several thousand of my brothers and sisters to leave home. It was sad, but we all knew it was necessary, or we would starve.

We were able to have our full suppers again, but Dad couldn’t afford to give any of us more to eat, even as we grew older. We knew that if we asked for more, it would just mean someone else had to leave, so no one did. We just went to bed hungry and tried to do the extra work that our lost siblings used to do. But there were still too many chores in the family for us, so Dad had to continue to adopt kids who don’t eat as much as us American kids.

See, Dad has houses in lots of countries. Unfortunately, the kids overseas don’t have the same expenses as we do, but that’s not really Dad’s fault. They do have a far lower standard of living, and it would be nice if Dad did something about that. Anyhow, we had to get the work done and we didn’t have any money, so we understood how Dad had to make these choices. Now the family is back on our feet, and we are putting money into our savings account. But Dad said he still can’t afford to give us larger meals, even though our meals are smaller due to inflation than they were 3 years ago. He’s still adopting kids overseas, and continues to outsource and ask our American brothers and sisters to leave home!

A few of us kids remaining are real concerned. We love Dad, he’s been great to us for years. But outsourcing is a highly addictive practice. You try it once and the rush in profits is intoxicating. And the next time is so much easier. During our budget crunch, we went through 9 rounds of kids here having to leave, and more kids being adopted overseas. Pretty soon, even we thought it was normal, and it wasn’t shocking anymore to say good bye to family that you worked with for 20 and 30 years. Some of us realized that Dad has a serious problem, and we are all enablers to his addiction. We are getting together to try to find a solution to the problem. We might even try an intervention.

If your company has a similar problem, you should watch and might consider our approach. For a resource on family interventions see:

The Preparation family and friends may initially be apprehensive and confused. They may be ambivalent about whether or not to do the intervention. Some may be afraid of the person, others may be angry. The goal is to move from this disorganized and chaotic state to a cohesive, focused group.


~ by factorypeasant on January 25, 2007.

7 Responses to “Dad’s Got A Bit Of An Outsourcing Habit”

  1. I’m calling protective services.


  2. well, shit. that’s one way of going about it…

  3. gnome, I simply MUST know more details on that execution. When did it happen? Where did it happen? Why did it happen? I’d ask how it happened, but that’s pretty obvious. Most importantly, where can I see more?

  4. Picked that pic up a long time ago. It’s in China pre WWII I think. Wish we dealt with criminals like that…I think crime rates would go down.

  5. Crime would go down plenty if we just stopped arresting people for smokin’ the herbs. Bein’ a stoner’s punishment enough. Sheeit.

  6. heh.

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