The Scene At Corporate Headquarters

Located in Palo Alto California, our corporate offices operate in another dimension. An alternate reality from the rest of the world; a dimension completely foreign to all of mankind. It is a tiny realm where common sense and sound business practices cease to exist altogether. Catered meals, tasty dessert dishes, and coffee are plentiful however. Here in this zone of stupidity our company’s challenged leader is babysat by his legions of zombie business yes-men. Let’s become invisible like ghosts for a few moments and watch them at work. We can eavesdrop in on their conversations and discover what really goes on during corporate staff meetings.

———-

Corporate Yes-Man 3: Um, hay guyz. Have we laid off everyone in Quality Assurance yet?

Corporate Yes-Man 1: Check.

Corporate Yes-Man 3: Excellent.

Corporate Yes-Man 2: What’s Quality Assurance?

Corporate Yes-Man 3: Geez. You’re so dum. Quality Assurance, or QA as we used to call it had employees that screened for defects on incoming parts and supplies. They verified specifications and ensured compliance with our standards. Anyway we didn’t need them and you should not worry about it.

Corporate Yes-Man 2: Ohhhhhhh. Okay.

Corporate Yes-Man 5: YESYES!

Super Geek: sssShare hh-hholder vvValuuue!

Corporate Yes-Man 3: That’s right Super Geek. Very Good! Sit back in your chair, please.

Super Geek: uuuuUnGh! mmmmMMFF!

Corporate Yes-Man 5: YESYES!

Corporate Yes-Man 1: Somebody pass me a couple more of those free donuts already. I’m DYIN’ over here.

Corporate Yes-Man 3: Where are we with off-shoring everything to Malaysia? That finished up yet?

Corporate Yes-Man 1: GOD DAMN I love the ones with the pink sprinkles on top! They’re sooooooo yummie!

Corporate Yes-Man 3: Can we get real here for a minute? Hmmmm? Anybody know about the off-shoring plan? Any updates?

Corporate Yes-Man 4: Yeah I gots some info. We pretty much threw out everybody in the U.S. with the exception of engineering. We’re workin’ on that one. As of now most of the American workforce has been eliminated. Engineering is gonna be a tough nut to crack, tho. The Malay don’t have enough skilled engineers on-hand to deal.

Super Geek: SHARE HOLDER VALUE! SHARE HOLDER VALUE! SHARE HOLDER VALUE!

Corporate Yes-Man 3: That’s cool. Don’t sweat it. By the time they DO have skilled engineers to take on that work we will have shifted elsewhere anyway.

Corporate Yes-Man 2: For reals?

Corporate Yes-Man 3: You bet your ass. I been thinking a lot about this country called China. Ever heard of it before?

Corporate Yes-Man 2: I dunno.

Corporate Yes-Man 5: YESYES!

Super Geek: I AM C-E-O! ssssSSSeeEEEE eeeeeEEEEEH ooooOOOOOh!

Corporate Yes-Man 1: China are those people with towels on their heads, rite?

Corporate Yes-Man 4: Yep.

Corporate Yes-Man 1: Thought so.

Corporate Yes-Man 3: Oh crap. Super Geek is drooling again. Clean it up, will ya?

Corporate Yes-Man 2: Why do I always have to wipe his yuck-mouth? It was MY turn all last week.

Corporate Yes-Man 5: YESYES!

Corporate Yes-Man 3: Just get on with it already. Sheesh.

Advertisements

~ by factorypeasant on January 24, 2007.

7 Responses to “The Scene At Corporate Headquarters”

  1. roflmayo! pure gold mate

  2. nascent i appreciate that. glad you dig it buddy.

  3. High management=retarded/delusional

    DT

  4. death to corporate bung-ginas!!!!!!!

  5. This is like, a corporate doppelganger for my former (East Coast) employer. They must all drink the same kool-aid at Upper Management School. Or something.

  6. 😉

  7. nice work gnome! that is a super geek sighting for sure…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: