Unstable Girlfriend

Autumn is acting strange again. She called me up tonight after I got home from work. Her voice sounded different, slightly emotional with an almost undetectable stressed out warble to it. Something was wrong. Whenever she calls me up and her voice changes somewhat I know immediately I’m going to have a problem. That makes me very nervous. I don’t like guessing games and I’m not a mind reader. Because Autumn frequently has difficulty saying what’s on her mind getting to the point I feel like I must force things and cut to the chase. Deal with it up front sooner rather than later. So that’s what I did. After telling her it was obvious to me something was wrong I asked Autumn to spit it out.

She told me that she was feeling like she didn’t know who she was anymore. Autumn said that she had no direction, felt like she was stagnant. From her description of where she was at it sounded like she decided her job was going nowhere fast. Burned out on it I suppose. It was tough for her to say it, but she confessed that she wanted to start taking pills for depression and go to see a counsellor.

We’ve been through this a couple times before. Realistically there was little I could do to help her with an identity crisis. Nor could I do much to change the way she felt about her life’s path or her job. Those were her choices, hers alone to seek a change or not. I was greatly concerned about her comments regarding medication and visiting a shrink though. That scared me actually. Autumn has never said anything like that to me in the past. I became seriously worried about her. Thinking quickly I came up with a plan that might help, but it would have to wait until tomorrow afternoon. I asked Autumn to hold off on making any rash decisions and to sleep on things. Maybe she would feel better in the morning. In the meantime I would do my best to work some stuff out and get back to her the next day.

Autumn agreed, sounded a little better and then said goodbye for the night. I hung up.

If what I was thinking of doing worked Autumn would be much happier. Man, it was going to be rough on me though. Real rough.

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~ by factorypeasant on January 12, 2007.

2 Responses to “Unstable Girlfriend”

  1. Hey there. I totally understand your situation and feelings. I’ve got a girlfriend with the exact same problems. And it’s funny how my girlfriend often refer herself as autumn. I’m having real headahces in handling her. And it’s as you said, tough.. really tough.

    I know it’s been 2 years since you posted this and was wondering how did you go about your plan? I need some advice here. Please get back to me. Thanks. Best of lucks!

  2. kecoax,

    I really don’t think I have much advice for you that would help your situation. Mainly because I have no idea what the issues in your relationship are. Autumn was a difficult case, she is unique.

    At the time one of the things really bothering her was my night time schedule at work. As a short term solution I thought by switching my hours to a traditional day shift the two of us could spend more time together and maybe that would be a big help. Looking back on it now I think it did not improve anything. Perhaps I was naive thinking that being around more mattered to her at all.

    Relationships are difficult. Whatever your situation is try to keep in the forefront of your mind that the person you are with should value you. If they don’t it doesn’t matter what you do or how you try to fix things. Nothing you do will change the problems in the relationship and you’re probably better off being with someone else. I learned the hard way that trying to facilitate change in a relationship is an uphill battle if your partner just wants out. Look at it this way, you can hold doors open for someone to walk through but it’s up to them to take the opportunity. You can’t force it.

    Some time after Autumn and I parted ways I saw the Couch Potato. She was a counsellor I went to see infrequently. I was there to discuss other stuff that had happened to me recently and as a side note the counsellor wanted to know about Autumn. I talked for a couple of hours, being as blunt and as objective as I could in hindsight over the five years we were together. When I finished the Couch Potato said,

    “Autumn is emotionally unavailable, and she is somewhat of a man-hater. There is nothing you could have done to change that because that is the way she chooses to live her life.”

    And that was pretty much the last word on her.

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