Later Days, Bastard

Autumn and Dad took their sweet time getting back to his place. Sitting around with my sister listening to her superficial monologues got old fast. I was so ready to start the two day drive back home. If I had been travelling alone I would blast through the whole road trip in ten to twelve hours. With Autumn on board for the ride I decided to make it a two day journey because she probably wouldn’t handle sitting still that long. She’s too fidgety. We would stay overnight in Winemmucca, then continue across the Nevada desert to Reno, dash through the Sierras and then drop down into California near Sacramento. After that it’s a quick run out to the San Francisco Bay. Home.

Hours later on when Dad and Autumn walked into the house I felt uneasy. Both of them were acting too friendly with each other. I wanted to get the hell out of there.

I said to Autumn that it was time to go. Dad and I didn’t talk to one another. He watched me tell my sister goodbye then start to walk through the living room to his front door. Autumn was nice as kittens to him and Brandy. As she stepped outside with me I closed Dad’s door with my back facing him not looking over my shoulder as I did so. I shunned his presence. Then something strange happened. I felt a sense of peace, experiencing an overwhelming relief as if a great weight had finally been lifted from my chest. Now that Mom was gone I knew that I didn’t have to continue any kind of contact with Dad anymore. That idea was wonderful.

No phone calls, no letters, no visits of any kind ever again. Wouldn’t take much effort on my part. Things between Dad and I were never good. While Mom was struggling with illness my bad relationship with him turned truly rotten. Autumn helped make that happen. I couldn’t see any reason to keep placing myself in situations where he could fuck with me. I’d had enough of his bullshit over the past thirty plus years already. The easiest way out was to never speak to him in the future. I could do that without any remorse or sense of loss. Trying to forget about him and get on with my life was long overdue so that is exactly what I would do. Move on.

Little did I know that would be the last time I saw my father alive.

Autumn mentioned to me that she was impressed with my performance over the last couple of days. She expected me to slug Dad numerous times but I didn’t and she was proud of me for that. Dad was about to get his ass kicked at Mom’s wake. If it hadn’t been for uncle Larry stepping in, it would have happened. Nobody knew about that though.


~ by factorypeasant on January 10, 2007.

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