Near Death

I talked with my Father over the phone this afternoon. It’s the first time we’ve spoken in a long while. Dad was a total bastard- informing me that Mom was going to die at any moment. If I wanted to see her, be with her in those last hours I had better travel to Idaho as soon as possible. His tone and choice of words left no doubt in my mind that we are enemies.

Things weren’t making sense. Mom wanted to die at home. She was adamant about that. So why did Dad suddenly move her into a nursing care facility? That wasn’t what she had asked for. With Hospice involved they can take just as good care of her at home as in a skilled nursing facility. Only the day before Mom’s doctor had estimated she would live approximately another six months. Over night she is now about to die on us? Just like that? I couldn’t decide what it was about the developing situation that made me feel like something was terribly wrong here. But it felt bad. Real bad.

I had no choice but to make last minute plans to leave for Boise. The rest of my day was shot to hell, I had to negotiate with the Bossman for a leave of absence from work, make arrangements to stay with my Aunt and Uncle, and coordinate with my sister as well as Autumn. The Bossman was super cool. He gave me an unlimited leave from my job and told me to keep him informed. When my Mother finally passed on I would be given a paid funeral leave for a certain amount of days. What a help that was to find out. I had no idea we even had such a benefit.

After discussing options with Autumn I decided to leave early the next day and drive all the way up there. I love roadtrips. The route I take from Northern California to Boise, Idaho brings me through Reno on I-80 out to Winnemucca, Nevada. From there I hook North on 95 into Oregon and then drop down to the Boise area. There isn’t much out in the deserts of Nevada and Eastern Oregon, but I have come to enjoy the unique beauty of those barren mountains and flat, scrubby landscapes. Usually once I start the Hwy. 95 leg of the trip I’m the only car out on the road. It’s like everyone in the world has died. Obviously I wish there were better circumstances for making this journey but in the ten or so hours it would take me to get there I would be able to clear my thoughts and prepare myself for the worst.

Autumn plans to fly up to join me a few days later. It will be good to have her with me. Right now I need her company in the worst way. She is going to drive up from the East Bay tonight to have dinner with me at Shitfoot’s place. Shitfoot is planning to BBQ for us and his wife is going to cook some of her tasty Malaysian dishes. Both of them make some kick ass grub. I’m always ready for whatever they are going to conjure up in their kitchen. In fact, I like their food so much I go out of my way to invite myself over to eat their cooking whenever I see an opportunity. It’s obnoxious of me, I know.

Dwelling on my family situation is going to be nearly impossible for me to not do tonight at Shitfoot’s. I’m feeling incredibly numb, like none of this is really happening.


~ by factorypeasant on December 12, 2006.

2 Responses to “Near Death”

  1. Oy, here’s a mighty dose of Xmas cheer.

    Anywayz… sucks big time. You have my sympathy.

    And… um… helping you buy a car is a useful benefit. Paid funeral leave is more a “compassionate” benefit. Just saying.

  2. the xmas season after Autumn and i split up was horrible, and the year after that was wasted because i was recovering from surgery for six weeks. looking back on it now, both years were pure junk. maybe this year will finally be better. up till now the holiday season really hasn’t had much meaning for me anymore.

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