Wicked Witch Of Ergonomics

Under normal circumstances I would never ever show up to work this early in the day. It’s far too horrible. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them this, but getting up in the morning actually makes me feel physically ill. Avoiding the first part of the day is something I have learned to do as a matter of daily practice and I think I’m better off for doing so. I’m a night person anyway. Of course today was an entirely different matter. I made an exception to be here hours before I normally appear and perform on the job. My motivation was strong, provided entirely by the selfish desire to see Miss Auschwitz fail badly once again. I had no guarantee it would happen as I planned or that it would happen at all. I kept faith though and braved the morning commute to be here.

Sitting in front of my Button Up workbench sipping coffee I watched for any sign of Miss Auschwitz. I didn’t have to wait long. By the time I had consumed half of my cup of coffee I saw her travelling down the main aisle between Spectrum Analyzers and our department. She was walking towards my end of the production line at a fast pace and as she got closer I could tell by the look on her face that she was aggravated. Good. Miss Auschwitz generally looks pretty fucking weird most of the time at work but today she was totally ridiculous. She was wearing a brown turtleneck top matched with similarly colored pants. Over that she wore a disgustingly bright hot pink business coat with puffy pads in the shoulders. Her dark, sandy blond shoulder length hair was limp and greasy looking like it always is. Miss Auschwitz eyes had that wide open crazy gaze in them however at the moment her eyes took on a greater expression of mental illness than usual.

As she stepped into my area like a freight train on methamphetamine I started to laugh at her. I don’t know why but she reminded me of the Wicked Witch from “The Wizard Of Oz.” Popping into my head uncontrollably was the Wicked Witch theme music from the film’s scenes whenever she was chasing after Dorothy shouting “I’ll get you and your little dog too! Heeheeheeheehee!” Miss Auschwitz easily could be that ugly old bag.

After spending a few seconds digging around for the Ergo Lift and realizing it was nowhere in sight Miss Auschwitz glared at me and asked where it was. I shrugged my shoulders at her, smirked, and said in a voice that sounded like Stimpy, “I dunno.” Furious, Miss Auschwitz marched off towards Big Dog’s cubicle way down on the other side of the line. I gave her a head start and then with a sinister laugh I snuck along just out of sight.

Miss Auschwitz stood impatiently with a scowl on her face and one revolting hot pink outstretched arm on Big Dog’s cubicle counter. She demanded to know where the Ergo Lift was. Big Dog told her that it had been out in the main aisle and that he hadn’t seen it since yesterday afternoon. He didn’t know where it was at the moment, but he assured Miss Auschwitz that he would look into it if it was not there. According to our plan Big Dog was supposed to play dumb about the now missing in action piece of equipment. He did a convincing job which was most excellent and he was telling her at least a partial truth. He really didn’t know where the Ergo Lift was because I neglected to divulge where it had been stashed.

Next, Miss Auschwitz stomped herself over to The Bossman’s cubicle and began to raise hell with him. He too played the whole thing down as if he was entirely ignorant of the issue. The Bossman lead her to believe he didn’t know anything about it and went back to work. Sitting at his desk, he essentially blew her off. The plan was working nicely. In a rage, Miss Auschwitz quickly left the area. It was clear to me from watching her that she was consumed with anger, frustrated, and dejected all at the same time. I was laughing so hard by that point I almost had tears welling up in my eyes.

That’s what you get for trying to make my life difficult, you stupid skank.

Final score at the end of round two game time:

Factory Peasant = 2

Miss Auschwitz = 0


~ by factorypeasant on November 28, 2006.

5 Responses to “Wicked Witch Of Ergonomics”

  1. brav0,

    i hope there is more

  2. there IS more. remember the Cone Of Silence? that was the third and final round of the brawl…

  3. Cone of Silence? As in Maxwell Smart? That rules. Oh, how delicious her agony must have been.

  4. regarding that device and $$$$ invested in a pile of crap:

    Focus on Problems vs. Focus on Solutions???

    One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan’s biggest cosmetics companies.

    The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty.

    Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.

    Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

    But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution.

    He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line.

    He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

    Moral of the story: always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem.

  5. wad- i liked Maxwell Smart but i don’t remember anything about the cone of silence in the TV show. i’ll get to it soon, but what happened was Miss Auschwitz showed up again at a later time babbling about this cone of silence shit. made absolutely no sense and she was trying to completely fuck up my HIPOT test equipment. i unleashed some seriously cutting edge technology on her to shut that bitch down once and for all…

    leon- that sir, was an excellent story. is that for reals? all i can say is that exactly illustrates some of what i have gone against with ergonomic engineers devising overkill solutions to minor issues that end up wasting tremendous amounts of time and resources. to make matters worse those elaborate solutions also frequently failed to work as-advertised. i hate that shit.

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