Systems Check

Brawling with Miss Auschwitz is going to be a chore. She throws her brand of lousy attitude around anywhere she pleases. Most employees who have run afoul of her in the past are unaware Miss Auschwitz has very little actual authority over anyone working here. If they did figure out that she is a nobody, more people would probably kick her out of their production areas and not think twice about it. They also wouldn’t have to put up with her verbally abusive comments. Instead the vast majority of employees go along with whatever it is she happens to be harassing them about just to get rid of her as fast as possible.

If I am going to successfully put Miss Auschwitz in her place I need backup. And that has to start with the Bossman.

Cruising past my supervisor’s area I peeked over a cubicle wall to see if the Bossman was sitting at his desk. I spotted him busily typing away on his computer keyboard taking infrequent pauses between pecking at keys to write notes on a piece of paper. Navigating my way through abandoned cubicles I walked up to his desk and asked him if he had a few minutes to talk. He said yes. I sat down at the edge of his cubicle in an aisle and waited. When he finished typing, the Bossman turned in his chair to face me and asked what was up.

“I got a problem over in MI/EI. It’s nothing serious. More of a personal aggravation than anything else. The other day when I came in to work someone had gone into Button Up and stole both our black roller instrument storage racks. Totally would have crippled me for the shift because I had nowhere to offload finished boxes. So I pulled two identical racks out of equipment mothball storage and set them up. Next day I hear someone from the Ergonomics department saw those two racks were back and went into a rage about it. Turns out my Ergo pest is Miss Auschwitz.”

As soon as I spoke her name, the Bossman let out an angry grunt and threw his pen at his desk. He was not pleased at the news.

Continuing I said, “Miss Auschwitz lame ass explanation for removing those racks had something to do with a girl who used to work here. I don’t remember the girl personally, but she isn’t working here anymore and hasn’t been for quite some time. I asked around about her on day shift and a few people told me she was hired in up at assembly. She claimed an on the job injury there so they moved her out of assembly to another job on the line. Then she complained about getting hurt in her new spot as well. Finally she was manage-moved to Button Up and the same thing happened again. This girl claimed another injury. She told Miss Auschwitz it was too difficult to slide instruments across those racks and it was hurting her back or some shit like that. From the sound of things most people think that girl was faking her injuries so she could get a lucrative disability settlement out of the company. Like I said I don’t remember her but to be honest that’s what it sounds like to me, too. I suspect Miss Auschwitz helped her file a bogus claim with OSHA.”

The Bossman sat there and listened.

“I’m not having any physical problems at all moving instruments on and off those racks. I haven’t complained to the Ergo department. I already told Miss Auschwitz I need the racks for storage and that I’m not having any issues using them. All she did was argue with me about it. What I want is for Miss Auschwitz to take a fucking hike and stay the hell out of the area. If she swipes those racks it’s really going to impact the area, Boss. So I want to stop that nitwit broad in her tracks.”

The Bossman said, “You know, that’s a problem with many of our Ergo people. Their ears are closed. They come out to product lines telling employees what kinds of tools to use and they don’t listen when things aren’t working for an individual. Miss Auschwitz was injured on the job, right?”

I replied, “Yeah. Back in PCAC years ago she claimed getting carpal tunnel from using lead clippers and manual screwdrivers on hand load lines building circuitboards. I’m skeptical that her carpal tunnel in both wrists is for real.”

“When you have a person that has been injured on the job they like to move them into the Ergonomic department because they’ll be more understanding of other employee’s work related injury situations. It’s makes them more passionate about keeping others from getting hurt.”

“That makes sense and all Boss, but Miss Auschwitz is just being a tyrant because she thinks she can get away with it. I want to stomp her guts out. Can you help me do that?”

The Bossman thought about it for a short while. Then he asked, “You mentioned Miss Auschwitz originally investigated an Ergo issue with those racks?”
I said, “That’s what some folks told me. It was a couple years ago, I think.”

With a slight smile on his face the Bossman looked at me and said, “Let’s do a systems check.”
“Huh? What’s that?” I asked.

“A systems check. I’ll give you an example. Occasionally I have to write feedback for my department manager’s reviews. He never read any of my feedback comments for him and I knew it. What’s the point of writing a review if nobody is going to read it? What I did was, I wrote that my boss wasn’t paying attention and that he was a big jerk. When I sat down with him to go over his feedback he told me everything looked great in his review. So I knew he hadn’t even looked at it. Then I told him maybe he better read the beginning of the third paragraph. After reading it, he got my point. That’s a systems check.”

I laughed out loud.

“So what I propose we do is, this. Let’s force Miss Auschwitz to come out here with all her Ergonomic equipment and re-measure those racks. Let’s force her to bring OSHA back into it. We’ll see if her measurements are the same as last time… or not. If we’re in tolerance for safety and physical limitations then Miss Auschwitz will have nowhere to go with it. And if there is a discrepancy with her test results but no real change in our setup then we will know she either falsified the results from her first tests or she’s incompetent. That will leave Miss Auschwitz open to some very uncomfortable questions from myself and a few other managers.”

Man, that was a kick ass plan. I had an evil grin on my face that caused my fangs to poke out.

I asked him, “If she comes back into the area later this week to fuck with me, is it cool if I just send her your way?”
He said, “Sure.”


You know, I really like working with my supervisor. I can appreciate the way he goes about solving problems around this place…


~ by factorypeasant on October 12, 2006.

2 Responses to “Systems Check”

  1. Top of the first, bases loaded, and FP hits one hard and deep.

  2. but wait! it gets better…

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