Shades Of Abuse

My father has few friends left. One of the long time friends Dad still talks to is a real nice guy named Ron. I’ve always liked him. Ron actually gave me my first job when I was a kid. I worked part time in Ron’s custom hotrod shop helping to prep cars for the spray paint booth. Unfortunately I was too young at the time to realize or appreciate what a cool opportunity I had been given and take advantage of it. Anyway, as the years passed Ron became a family friend. Honestly I don’t know why Ron has continued to hang out with Dad.

Ron has some trouble at home with his wife. Sometimes Dad and Ron talk about their experiences. I’m sure it helps both of them get through some tough times. The only similarity both Dad and Ron have is that their spouses are sick. Circumstances are very different in Dad’s household and that’s something he doesn’t understand at all. See, Ron’s wife has mental problems. As long as she takes her medication things are manageable. That doesn’t mean it’s any easier for Ron, but they get by. Also his wife is not terminally ill. When she refuses to take her meds Ron’s wife is a serious mess. She’s pushed Ron to the edge a few times and he has considered divorcing her to save himself from going insane.

After talking with Ron about his family problems Dad got it into his head that he too could divorce his wife. My father doesn’t appear to realize that Mom’s illness is much more serious than the plight Ron suffers through with his wife. Dad got the idea from Ron to ditch Mom just because she’s sick. This is when she needs her husband the most and all Dad can think of is skipping out on her. I think that’s got to be one of the most fucked up things I’ve ever had my father talk to me about.

Ron only knows what Dad tells him and that ain’t much.

One of the things I have quickly discovered is that as long as a person doesn’t have any signs of physical abuse no abuse must be taking place. It seems from a legal standpoint or view, emotional and mental abuse doesn’t exist. Even if it did and could be proven in a court case nobody seems to care. Behind closed doors Dad continues to treat Mom like she’s junk. He’s completely oppressive and mean to her most of the time. When strangers or family friends are around Dad turns on his caring husband act which most people instantly fall for.

Dad’s latest tactic is to tell Mom over and over again that I am going to force her into a nursing home. By lying to her about the truth he’s been able to manipulate Mom into having less and less contact with the rest of us. Makes things easier for Dad to act with impunity. I am not trying to place my mother into a long term care nursing home right now. What I am trying to do is get Dad to clean up his act and be more proactive about keeping Mom comfortable and happy. I want him to stop mistreating her and get a professional nurse in the house a few days a week. That is reasonable and it’s what I expected should have happened a long time ago. Dad continues to refuse to hire someone to help. Again this comes down to not wanting to spend any of *his* money.

My father didn’t even know about Medicaid until I brought it up. Funny how short and selective his memory has become.

Well, I’m sure Dad will hit me with even more retarded cheap shots and insults the longer this situation goes on. Too bad he can’t come up with anything more original or creative. Loser.

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~ by factorypeasant on September 8, 2006.

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