Double Agent

Autumn has started playing on both sides of the fence, like a cold war era double agent loitering around Checkpoint Charlie.

Recently she asked me how I would feel if she started communicating directly with my Dad via email. That question made the hair on the back of my neck bristle. Dad has been attempting to ruin my relationships and friendships since I was in high school. I learned early on that it was an especially bad idea to let him have much contact if any with girls I was dating. At a minimum, if he was able to talk with them while I wasn’t around he’d say shit about me to my girlfriend. Dad would tell them I’m an idiot and a bum. He was trying to fuck things up for me and he succeeded on a few occasions.

I don’t want Autumn to have anything to do with Dad because I don’t trust him, I know better. Dad is a total headcase right now. You wouldn’t believe some of the shit he’s doing to his neighbors let alone my Mom and other relatives. Dad’s gone entirely insane.

Unfortunately Autumn won’t listen to me, she doesn’t care about my opinions or feelings. So if I tell her I’m not cool with this and say “Please don’t write to Dad,” we’ll have an argument about it and Autumn will go ahead and do what she wants. In a feeble attempt to avoid any further strife I told Autumn I didn’t care and left it at that. I was convinced she was going to start emailing him whether I gave my permission or not anyway. She’s absolutely stubborn, a woman who wants her cake and eats it too in every possible situation.

This is going to further complicate things and cause me more trouble. I just know it. I feel like Autumn is meddling in my family matters that she shouldn’t be. I’m also having doubts about trusting her. There isn’t much I can do about it for now. I’ll have to wait and see…


~ by factorypeasant on August 14, 2006.

4 Responses to “Double Agent”

  1. Frankly… I don’t see the problem with them communicating. If she dumps you, then she didn’t seem worth it to begin with. There is nothing anyone can say to me about my husband I a) don’t already know or b) would believe coming from someone who behaves antagonistically towards him.

    So… either trust your relationship or your common sense. If either fails you, you only have yourself to blame.

  2. spared- Autumn’s communication with my father was not helpful. she was acting out with her own shortcomings and insecurities. very misguided. as they say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

    i don’t think you understand the context of what was going on here just yet. from your standpoint, you’re married. you’ve made your choice already and nothing will make you waiver in your opinions of your husband. that’s commendable and the way it should be.

    Autumn’s opinion of marriage is that a woman essentially becomes nothing more than the property of a man, and she no longer has her own identity.

    i have a different opinion, that two people love each other enough to be partners- equals in everything together on all levels.

    i don’t want to spoil too much here, but Autumn did eventually ditch out on me and i agree with you after looking back on it she wasn’t worth it.

    you have excellent insight. i do only have myself to blame. i have concluded that i am not intelligent enough to be successful in relationships. i have a pattern of choosing to be with women that don’t really care about me. Autumn was probably the most damaging and painful of all my relationship experiences, but she wasn’t the last. just wait till you start reading about that shit. that’ll make your head spin like linda blair in the exorcist. guaranteed.

    these days i spend most of my time alone, with pistons and circuitboards. keeps me out of trouble.

  3. have a pattern of choosing to be with women that don’t really care about me

    This is deep man, and I suspect an awareness of this is the first step in the the right direction down a long, but rewarding road.

    Step One: Recongize the patern.

    Step Two: Understand the patern and why you choose the patern.

    Step Three: Practice breaking the patern by making other choices.

    (Step Four: Keep Practicing)

    Right now I am bouncing back and forth between steps two and three …

  4. zz- that’s good stuff man. thanks. good luck with sorting out your gig. i’d say i’m a solid step one there. i’m not sure i can answer step two. i’ll have to give that some thought.

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