7.23.2003

I wish that you had some idea of how helpful it would be, for me to have regular conversations with you. Guess, it ain’t gonna happen.

We left on our first trip yesterday, to Mt Lassen, and an old Fireman “Buddy”. Your mother woke up at about 3:00am this morning “sobbing” that she wanted to go home. We had lots of things planned, and it all went right into the shitter. All that I could think about on the way home ( 500 miles – was divorce ). So we are home, had an absolutely “FUCKED” time, and so on. I an going to try and get away by myself somehow, then on my return, am going to see an Attorney. I’ve had it ! She’s drowning, and wants to take me down with her. It will cost me everything that I own, but, at least I will not be a candidate for the “Boobie Hatch” !

I am sorry that we cannot stay in touch.

Dad

I fucking told you not to take Mom on any long roadtrips. She needs to feel safe and secure, driving around for hundreds of miles would be scary and confusing to her. You didn’t listen, so this is what you get. I have no sympathy for you there. And I’m angry you put her into a situation like that.

I think it’s absolutely ludicrous you have even thought of divorce once let alone multiple times, with your wife being as ill as she is. You are a poor caregiver to Mom. Period. Everything is always about you and your money. I think that if the roles were reversed with you being the one with Alzheimer’s, Mom would have done a much better job caring for you. You take every insignificant thing personally, as if it has been deliberately done to anger you. I don’t understand this.

For some reason you decided to move out of state. I suspect you did this not solely for the property value in the Boise area. My feeling is you moved up there hoping to use Linda and Larry as cheap babysitters for Mom. And you’re pissed off because that didn’t go as planned. If you had stayed here in town you would have had much more support from friends and family. Rent your place out up there and come back. It’s not too late.

You know what you could have and should have done by now. I’ll risk sounding like a broken record:

1) Seek professional part time help in looking after Mom. You can get a break and go do things you want to do. 2) Seek full time care for Mom in a nursing home. It’s inevitable this will be a necessity in the near future.

Is it that difficult?

Have you ever thought about the many years that we were there, and hardly ever saw you ?? The last few months that we were home, we still seldom saw you. I think that you were VERY selfish with your time, and not much of a son to your mother.

Maybe I’m not a great Care Giver, I don’t know. I am doing the best that I can. The $$$$ money is solely for your mother’s welfare, and I am saving every penny that I can. It will be spent on her, and I will have nothing at the end of this ordeal. Am I at fault for that also ??

As usual, I do not expect to hear from you, or see you. For a man of 36 years, you are very wise, and have accomplished much. If there was an “Oscar” for video games you would win hands down. As for being a caring son to your mother, you’d be on the “Gong Show” !

There will be no more messages !

You don’t have a leg to stand on. You’re going to divorce your wife because she’s sick and in the same breath try to lecture me about not calling my mother on the phone. If I am a bad son, you are a totally shitty husband.

Okay, so you’re saving $2,000 a month and you have been for a while. Gee, thats great. Where’s the part-time in home care for Mom? Oh, that’s right. There isn’t any. But, we DO have close to 20 radio controlled planes in the garage. That makes it all better. Now let’s see. There’s this problem of being able to go fly them because there isn’t anyone to watch your sick wife. Maybe a part time nurse would be the answer? Nope. You don’t want any help. You’ve got it all figured out… good luck, chump.

You have made bad decision after bad decision compounding your situation. None of it was necessary in my view. You made things hard on yourself, definitely hard on Mom, and a pain in the ass for a lot of other people along the way. I don’t expect this will change anytime soon. You continue to be emotionally and verbally abusive to Mom. We’ve all noticed it, we’ve all talked to you about it. At this point I think you simply aren’t capable of doing anything better. It’s a real shame.

Oh and by the way, I’m not 36.

You really set me off when you called me a “poor Care Giver”,or whatever the term was. I am the ONLY person doing anything for Mom. All Linda wants is information, and has nothing to do with Mom. She will get nothing from me, so that she can gossip.

I expect that you are mad at me, and I do not need it. I am on the brink, of being able to control my emotions as it is.

I have found that sharing my feelings with others has brought me nothing but grief and criticism. I will share no more. No one wants to hear it anyway. This is my journey, and I will have to do it alone, and to the best of my ability.

I have not read your last two E-Mails, and don’t want to as I don’t want the aggravation, if they are negative.

I am sorry for losing my temper, but, you really don’t understand at all, what I am dealing with. You may think that you do, but, you don’t.

The E-mail stuff is over, and I expect that hearing from you will be sparse. It is a shame that Mom doesn’t hear from you more often, but, that’s the way it is.

Talked with your sister last night, and they are going to come up during the Holidays. Looking forward to that.

Take care of your own life and problems, and I wish you well.

Dad

“I am sorry for losing my temper, but, you really don’t understand at all, what I am dealing with. You may think that you do, but, you don’t.”

Incorrect. You have been telling people your whole life “they don’t understand.” It is yourself who does not understand. The rest of us understand everything quite well. You don’t have the world figured out. You don’t have the answers. If you did, your life situation would be much more pleasant by now.

I am losing my patience with you.

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~ by factorypeasant on August 13, 2006.

2 Responses to “7.23.2003”

  1. WOW! Taking her on a trip? That is messed up…
    I think I will go hug my dad.
    As for Autumn and the previous post; RUN FOREST, RUN…
    lb

  2. lb- you should hug yer pop. if he’s a good guy, you are a lucky person. my father is the most deplorable individual i’ve ever met in my life. total scumbag. we’ve never been friends and we never will be.

    i have a small family and most of them are terrible people. my aunt and uncle are all i’ve got left and they treat me better than my own parents did. without them, i probably would have blown my brains out by now. i am lucky to have them in my life. ya hear that linda and larry? i mean it’s a weird feeling to hang out with family members that actually care about you. i’m not used to that.

    as far as Autumn is concerned, she really let me down. Autumn failed. that’s really all there is to it. as my good pal Samson says of Autumn, “she has her demons.” no shit.

    anyway, the story isn’t over yet. much more on the way so stay tuned. twists! turns! intrigue! drama! oh, the suspense! i’m on the edge of my desk chair just thinking about it.

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