J1 Be Gone

It’s official. The rumors I’d heard about J1 wanting to leave the company were true. For the past couple of weeks J1 wandered around our department bitching and moaning about his job here. A few tech startup companies are hitting it big through lucrative buyouts from large corporations. Every employee at these little hole in the wall operations can end up becoming very wealthy like they just hit it big on the state lottery. With tech stocks still booming and visions of dollar signs in J1’s eyes, he’s decided to leave us and head over to a new job at a place I’ve never heard of before. The only thing motivating him to quit is a hope he’ll be lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and strike it rich. I asked him about his decision. J1 babbled at me. He feels unappreciated here. J1 is absolutely correct about that. He is unappreciated. Most of us are terribly sorry he was hired into Bill and Dave’s in the first place.

J1 is angry we didn’t get much of anything when we were spun off from our computer division. Our stock options are a joke and we didn’t receive any bonuses or cash up front as incentives. J1 said the initial job offer package at this other place includes 10,000 shares of stock options as a signing bonus if he accepted a position there. He’s probably lying through his teeth about how sweet the deal is or at least totally exaggerating, as usual. J1 also let it be known his new employer is excited to have him. I’m excited too, maybe I should buy dinner for everyone at their company as a thank you for finally getting that imbecile out of here.

The reality of J1’s employment situation is very different from how he perceives it. Ever since we were on that instrument transfer up in Spokane, some people mistakenly thought of J1 as a truly capable electronic technician. They didn’t know any better. J1 has very little aptitude or skill for this kind of work. Our supervisor at the time was The Drunk. She’s been protecting him over the past few years and kept J1 working in her area no matter where she has been assigned. Until recently J1 was one of her star employees, but I think The Drunk must have finally sobered up for five minutes and figured out J1 is a retard. Things have finally caught up with him. The Drunk could no longer ignore J1’s lack of ability or his habit of frequently causing personality conflicts with everyone that has to work alongside him. Two of his coworkers recently mentioned to me that The Drunk was getting ready to fire J1. He must have got wind of his boss’ intentions and decided to quit ahead of being thrown out.

Last week a farewell party was organized by someone for J1. Hardly anyone attended the gig. Greasy Guy went and he said J1 got totally bombed. Then J1 attempted to drive home drunk. Not far from the pub they were drinking at a sheriff spotted J1 and tailed him. I guess he panicked and decided to pull over by a telephone booth to call a friend to come pick him up. The sheriff followed and busted him while he was in the phone booth. J1 got himself a nice, fat DUI. I’ve been laughing about that for the past couple of days.

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~ by factorypeasant on May 29, 2006.

17 Responses to “J1 Be Gone”

  1. feh,
    he deserved that. what a doofus

  2. bitchin’ blog, factory peasant. Vernon D. turned me on to it.

    benny blanco from the bronx

  3. Benny baby! How the hell are you? Haven’t seen you in years. Great to hear you’re still around. And how’s Vernon?

    Bill

  4. I’ve been back for about six months. I’ve been reading the blog since then, but this is the first time I’ve commented. Again, great blog, factory peasant. Look forward to meeting you one of these days. Don’t believe everything Vernon D’s told you about me. Ha ha.

    Speaking of Vernon, Bill, he’s doing great. He says he’s got some BBBIIIIGGGG announcement coming up, but he won’t give me a clue as to what it is. Maybe that has something to do with his good mood lately. C’mon Vernon, let us in on the secret!

    benny blanco from the bronx

  5. Yessir, I’ll soon have a big announcement, but I’m not ready quite yet. First time you’ve commented Benny? Bill and factory peasant were mentioning how there was a lot of back and forth on this board involving some guy from the Bronx. I just assumed it was you, Benny Blanco from the Bronx.

    Vernon D.

  6. Wasn’t me. Just went back and read the old comments. Yikes! I feel violated that you would even suspect it was me. There are a million plus people in the Bronx and we’re not all complete jackasses like this Tony character. The Bronx has some wonderful neighborhoods, but is unfairly sterotyped as consisting of nothing but gangbangers. People like Tony only add to the stereotype. You should be ashamed of yourself Tony.

    You too Vernon. Bastard!

    benny blanco from the bronx

  7. Go back to Palermo you greasy wop. You’ve got some nerve criticizing Tony for gangbanging. At least his mother doesn’t have armpit hair.

  8. Bigotry aside, what exactly are you implying?

    benny blanco from the bronx

  9. I’m implying that in addition to Italian women having lip hair, you can substitute Italian for Polish in any joke in the world and it’s the same joke, you being a perfect example by not understanding my prior insult. Go back to Naples you dumb guineau.

  10. I’m following the part where some hot Italian babe dumped you and you’re bitter, but I don’t understand the part about why I’m not allowed to criticize Tony for being a gangbanger.

    benny blanco from the bronx

  11. Alrite I’ll go real slow since you’re italian. Tony Soprano. Hypocrite.

  12. You don’t like Tony Soprano because he’s a hypocrite? I don’t get it.

    benny blanco from the bronx

  13. Let me start from the beginning. I don’t dislike Tony Soprano because he’s a hypocrite. I dislike Tony Soprano because he’s a mobster. I dislike you because in addition to being stupid and having lip hair because you’re Italian, you’re also a piece of shit gangster.

  14. I understand that you’re insulting me for being stupid and being a gangster, which I agree are quite insulting. I’m getting really pissed off, but I’m also still confused. I don’t get the lip hair insult. Yeah I have a moustache. Are you calling me gay or something? Please help. I can’t be offended if I don’t understand.

    benny blanco from the bronx

  15. Awright. I get it. You’re mocking me. I’ll admit that you faked me out by pretending you didn’t understand. You win.

  16. Nice job Benny Blanco from the Bronx. Do you think that was a true-blue bigot or just a goof messing around?

    Bill

  17. Just a goof messing around. An honest to God bigot would have been way more pissed off and vitriolic and wouldn’t have been willing to admit that I had “won”. Besides, most bigots are way too busy hating genuine minorities. Italians are too far down in the pecking order of hated groups compared to African Americans, Hispanics, Jews, gays, etc. Now, if he had realized that benny blanco from the bronx is Hispanic, then that might be worth pursuing…

    benny blanco from the bronx

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