Little Stoners

Dangerous D the romantic player had himself another hot date this past weekend. This time the girl was from Sonoma. I guess she was a score off his internet chat room action. Late in the afternoon D hobbled through the front door with girl in tow. When I saw her I had to fight the urge to bust up laughing right in front of the two nitwits. She was midget sized just like Dangerous D, plain as hell wearing a T-shirt and jeans. Her hair wasn’t done up and she hadn’t bothered to put on any makeup. What really caught my eye and made me want to laugh was, she is a Mouthbreather. A Mouthbreather is a person that happens to be so stupid that they don’t know how to breathe in air through their nose. So they leave their jaw hanging wide open and breathe that way which makes them look like they have down syndrome, or they just stepped out of a prehistoric cave into daylight for the first time.

Once again D set up their evening of entertainment around cowboy cold Coors Light beers and a crummy videotape. They did however mix things up a bit by frequently sneaking into the back yard like a couple of junior high school criminals to smoke a few bowl loads of weed. I kinda suspected that the only reason Ms. Mouthbreather was here in the first place was to get smoked out for free. That she did, and plenty. Shortly after dark I walked into the livingroom to discover both dorks had passed out cold with their movie still running. At either end of my couch was a little stoner completely unconscious, sitting upright. They were held in place only by cushions and an arm rest.

Both of them remained there passed out like that all night. I laughed at them every time I walked through to get to the kitchen. Next morning Dangerous D had to drive the Mouthbreather back to Sonoma because she didn’t have her own vehicle. I think she is a close match for D and they should get married as soon as possible. They’re perfect for each other.

D’s vegetable dehydrator is now a hazardous biological waste generator. He hasn’t used it for any food items in weeks. I’m happy about that because the house no longer smells like freshly cooked rot. The inside of his machine is filled with brightly colored mold colonies. Contamination that severe is truly a sight to behold. I try to avoid getting anywhere near that dehydrator when I’m in the kitchen. Just looking at it might give me the AIDS. The only way to properly clean an abomination like that now would be to burn it. I’m curious to see if he’s going to put a new round of vegetables in there as is and then patiently wait to see if he dies from a ruthless form of food poisoning. I can only hope.

~ by factorypeasant on April 25, 2006.

19 Responses to “Little Stoners”

  1. 2 peas inna pod eh?

    stonerus maximii

    i hope she stole his pipe,
    and that shae was on her period,
    that way he couldnt get any!
    btw, did u ever see her again?

  2. yeah, she came over a few more times over a couple of months but D never got anywhere with her. Mouthbreather was only hanging around with him for the weed. i thought it was obvious but i don’t think D ever figured that one out.

  3. Der bishez be wanen hiz stuff not hiz stiff staff. Low brow low rent hooka liek dat neva gwan put out to a retard wen she ken get hiz weed fo free!

    wert up me angloz!


  4. I wonder if he ever showed her his food dehydrator. That probably would have sold her. Chicks dig guys with skills.

  5. Wad you mean chicks dig guys with mAD sKillZ. like when a dood text messages a lady for HAWT SECKS. now in that situation mAD CeLL PhOnE sKIllZ come into play. it’s critical.

    and what woman can resist the manly man who can beat the video game level in record time while finding all the bonus items? well we know the answer to that. there isn’t a woman in America today that could keep her paws off a guy like that no sir. why every female within five miles would be beating down his door and the phone would be ringin off the hook just to get a piece of that studly action.

    yeap. Dangerous D is an example all us br0s should follow. his MAd kItCHiN sKiLLz are unmatched, world renown, and makin broads steamy from here to Lebanon.

  6. Devil-T,

    Are you a racist?

    It’s hard to tell, since I’ve never heard of an ethnic group called “angloz”. However, if you mean “anglos”, as in white people, it is true that Dangerous D is hispanic and is also a moron.

    However, it would be a logical fallacy to conclude that white people are superior to hispanics due to Dangerous D’s low intelligence. As a parallel, any hispanic man trolling through who came across your comments would rightfully feel superior to you by comparing his spelling to yours.

    It would be equally erroneous for him to feel superior to white people in general simply because he is superior to you, an individual white man.

    For too long, people have focused on differences between races and ethnicities. I propose that we instead focus on our commonalities. For example, almost all people, be they white, black, brown, yellow, or red, can feel superior to Devil-T.

    I suggest we all, at least for a moment, stop fighting with each other and instead laugh at Devil-T.

    This is just one man’s small contribution to world peace.

  7. Anonymous,

    I call you out.

  8. Hey,
    I say if Devil-T wants to be a racist, let him be a racist. Dangerous D is a racist, does anyone say anything to him? Noooooo

  9. see…
    that tard is STILL causing trouble!!!


  10. From the Devil-

    As for the spelling of anglos as angloZ in my post i was using and anglo equivalent of Ebonics called phonetics. As for my racism, well i hate everyone equally until they distinguish themselves from the general human mass. At which point I evaluate them on an individual basis, and decide whether i hate them more or less than the generic human monad. You it seems base you’re evaluations of people on how they choose to spell their words. This leads me to believe you are an apple polishing would be teachers pet who never got enough attention in jr high from his homely english teacher, and now craves the affection of like minded spell checkers. It’s sad for you, but you are welcome not to like me if it makes you feel better. I will continue to spell however i see fit in casual discourse such as this. This should provide you with ample opportunity to waste you’re time correcting my spelling. I would offer you employ proofreading my writing of importance, such as my college papers, but sadly microsoft has provided me with a superior digital solution called spell check. This is a superior solution not merely because it is free, but also because it is not a humorless little beotch who would rather start a race riot than laugh at a lesson in how not to live such as Dangerous-D.

    Have fun with yerself Anonermus!


    The Devil-T

  11. any minute now,the rest of the goon squad will be buttin in,,,like a bunch voltures circling a carcas.

  12. well i for one sure as fuck hope so. c’mon guys lets have a geniune verbal bloodbath in here. get to work!

  13. I would definitely put my two cents in about this subject, but my wife is beotching at me right now.

  14. Holy shit! You mean you really are a racist? That was just a shot in the dark. I didn’t think it was actually true. I just chose “angloz” out of the many misspelled words. Yes, you really should hire someone to proofread your college papers. Spellcheck, you see, doesn’t catch words like “you’re”, as in “This should provide you ample opportunity to waste you’re time.”

    However, you are correct, Devil-T, that a person would have to be kind of shallow to make fun of someone just because he can’t spell. Rest assured, I dislike you for other, more substantive reasons.

  15. So Anonymous,
    According to your last post, you make it a habit of going around calling people a racist in the hopes that it will be true? You must be a hell of a lot of fun at parties.

  16. I think I may be a racist. Except that I think black chicks are hot. And asian chicks, too. And the latinas. Oh, and I’ve seen some Indian ladies with that crazy little jewel glued between their eyes that make me want to start quoting Ghandi. Italian women rock because the’re hot, they dress nice, and they can cook. (I think I just scored some sexist points there.) Umm… Ukranian ladies, Spanish chicas (totally different from the South and Central American gals), Swedish, Dutch, Irish… I once met this totally hot Scottish gal on the train from Edinburgh who told me she was a physical fitness trainer, so hot. I guess the only chicks I don’t like are the anonymous mouth-breathing kind that troll blogs.

  17. they call those little Indian between the eyes jewel thingies Bindis. i think.

  18. Hay Ananermusk if you would like to continue this and perhaps let me know what i have ever done to you to piss you off so well drop me a line at and we can discuss this. Otherwise lets focus on the posts, this is bill and dave are dead not Devil and whoever throw shit at each other.

    yer pall-


  19. Boo… Hiss… lets get the bloodbath going. It’s what bill and Dave want.

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