Cowboy Cold

When you’re in a living situation sharing a house with other people it doesn’t take long to notice odd habits or unusual quirks about them. I’ve certainly got mine. Dangerous D has some really strange ones. For example, he likes to buy large bottles of juice and he never refrigerates them. After filling up his glass once the bottle will stay out on my kitchen countertop for days until colonies of white mold are floating on the surface of his juice. I deliberately waited to say something to him about his first couple of juice/mold experiments because I was curious. I wanted to see if he was going to drink that stuff as-is or I at least wanted to discover how long it would take him to throw the crap out. Nearly two weeks passed. I got tired of looking at it so I finally mentioned something to him.

“Hey D aren’t you gonna throw your juice out? It’s contaminated, like biohazardous waste.”
“wWhAt?”
“Your cranberry juice out here. It’s rotten. After you opened the juice you let it sit out at room temperature and it went bad. This stuff has to be refrigerated as soon as you open the bottle.”
“i DIdn’T kNOw tHAtt.”
“Huh? How could you not know? It’s says right on the bottle ‘refrigerate after opening.’ Dump it out and next time put it in the ‘fridge. Got it?”
“yEAh.”

I feel like I’m living with an idiot child instead of a 20 plus year old grown man. Mommy and Daddy must not have spent much time with Dangerous D preparing him for adult life on his own.

Another peculiar thing Dangerous D does is leave his beer out. He likes to buy twelve packs of Coors Light in longneck bottles. He’ll rip the container open and grab a beer but leave it on the kitchen floor. That’s where it will stay for the next few days until he’s drank them all. I asked him about that the other night. I said, “I guess you like drinking Cowboy Cold beer, huh?” He was confused, so I explained it to him.

“Back in the days of the Wild West, cowboys would travel on horseback across the great plains. They carried their beers in saddlebags and drank them warm. This was due to the fact that it took them a long time to discover rivers. When cowboys found a river they could put their beers in the water to cool them down before drinking them. But, after many years of drinking warm beer they were used to it and decided cold beers were not tasty. To this day most cowboys still drink their beer warm. On a Cowboy Cold scale of one to ten yippie-kai-yays, a room temperature beer would probably be a five or six. A beer that was left out baking in the afternoon sun all day would be ten yippie-kai-yays. Now, if you had put those beers in the ‘fridge like you’re supposed to they would only rate one yippie-kai-yay, because they’d actually be cold. The warmer your beer is the more Cowboy Cold it is. Get it?”

Evidently he didn’t get it. Dangerous D is still buying those twelve packs of Coors Light and leaving them on the floor. Guess he must like the taste that way. He’s a true Cowboy.

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~ by factorypeasant on March 27, 2006.

17 Responses to “Cowboy Cold”

  1. I give this post 8 yippie-kai-yays 🙂

  2. all of these posts make me want to punch the little (f)maggot!!!!!
    grrrrrrr

  3. good thing you didn’t find a roommate online.

  4. LOL, yeah, if you had found a roommate via craigslist you’d have been much worse off!

  5. Coors Light. Beer not for people who like beer, but rather for people who like to pee.

  6. You didn’t do any yippie-kai-yays with the brokeback mountain Dangerous D did you?

  7. anon- no sir. i did no such thing. i ain’t been doin no yippie-kai-yays with that rugged tumbleweed known in the western territories as Dangerous D.

    iffin you don’t mind me sayin so… me an’ that little canyon cactus DID do some bing-bucka-bing-bucka-bing-bucka-bing to his prairie dog. but that’s strictly confidential, hombre. so why don’t you put that under yer stetson and ride yer fine mule on outta here.

    much obliged, pardner.

  8. first of all Sir, I don’t ride a mule, I drive a Pinto. And it probably gets more gas mileage than your car. Second of all, your word “hombre” is very offensive to me. The word comes from the root “home” and “brother”. This is obviously a racial position you have taken against me. Third of all, my great granddaddy had a stetson. I take quite offense that you could not have said that to his face, instead of me.

  9. allrite mr. anonymous you just crossed the line there buddie now you gotta brawl i’m callin you owt.

    http://hydraulichitler.ytmnd.com/

  10. hehe

    i think the bish is done
    (gg hombre)
    yippie-kai-yays you fagg0t

  11. Just messing with you FP. I figured you needed something to keep you busy, being retired and all. Pinto, Now THATS funny.
    TC

  12. damn, trolled & baited by tc…
    FEH!

    goodjob

    tc – 1

    s_f – 0

  13. Good one, TC! I am sitting here laughing all over myself!

    Crazy Red Head

  14. TC- now that i’m all old and retired and shit those travel plans are starting to kick in. just got back from a 2,045mi. roadtrip. fuck i’m tired. that was the second one. third one is coming up…

  15. Hey,
    I never called you old, just Sir. I’m glad to see that you are having a good time on your road trips. You mustang photos look great. After the weather clears up we need to have another BBQ over here with the gang. Maybe we’ll even invite the crazy red head.
    TC

  16. sounds good TC lemme know when i be there. i still want a ride in yer 1917 ford or 1907 ford or whatever it is so kik down f00. remember we’re in the burgundy ford car club. that practically makes us cousins seven times removed in georgia or some shit like that.

    maybe.

  17. This crazy red head would love to see all you cuzzins…just let me know when!

    Crazy Red Headed Lady(?)

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