Potatohead’s Butt Snorkel Becomes A Technician
Okay. This has to be the most disgusting kiss-ass story ever told.
When I kicked myself out of Team Loser it seemed inevitable to me at the time that Meth was going to be Potatohead’s number one Grade-A boot lickin’ yes man and supreme butt snorkel. That guy buried his head so far up Potatohead’s backside that it must have been three feet deep, jammed in at a fourty-five degree angle. Shameless.
Meth wanted to become an electronic tech here at work so he bitched and moaned about it to Potatohead until he agreed to set him up with an online course through a university back east. It costs Bill and Dave’s a few thousand dollars per employee to enroll in that program. Problem is, Meth is not a bright guy. He’s a grease monkey and a bullshit artist. That’s about it. He has no aptitude for math and zero ability when it comes to critical thinking. Shortly after Meth started his online technical degree, he realized he was in over his head. There was no way he could complete his assignments and pass the course. So what did he do? He got his girlfriend Leslie to do his homework for him every week. What a good girlfriend. Leslie had already graduated from a Junior College with her tech degree so she had no trouble with his assignments.
Months later Leslie had easily passed Meth’s online courses for him. The day came when Meth had to step into a closed conference room with a veteran technician and take the company’s entrance exam. He-Man was selected for the job of administering those tests. Not long after both men entered a vacant conference room, Meth stepped back into Team Loser’s production area acting mopey and angry. Raygun asked him what was wrong. Not surprisingly, Meth told Raygun he failed the test. Meth wandered around through their line acting like a spoiled kid that just got spanked for doing something dumb. Raygun waited until Meth walked away and then asked He-Man how the exam went. “He didn’t even pass the phone interview questions so there is no way he can take the real written test. We got ten or fifteen minutes into it and he didn’t know what to do. He isn’t ready.”
Meanwhile Meth went to Potatohead and told him what happened. Not long afterward Potatohead took He-Man for a walk outside. When they returned He-Man packed up his briefcase in a hurry and grabbed his coat. Angrily stepping out of Team Loser’s production area Raygun stopped He-Man and wanted to know what was up. “Go ask your boss. You have a new technician on the line.” He-Man left work for the rest of the day in a sickened state. Bouncing through the shop floor Meth kept yelling “Woohoo” like he was Homer Simpson. Even though he was a total failure on the tech exam, Potatohead promoted Meth up to a technician level and gave him a new job.
Bill And Dave Are Dead 
the term “butt snorkel” is (c) and ™ by Boomer. void where prohibited. special thanks are due to the US Navy for their cooperation in the making of this slang.
Patent Pending
Best post title EVAR!!!
That’s sad and wrong. Typical, sure, but still offensive.
Wad- glad you dig it. gotta thank Boomer for coming up with Butt Snorkel. hilarious.
Fiat- yeah, pretty worthless situation all the way around really. nothing any of us could do about it though. i was talking to He-Man about this again the other day and he remembered the whole incident like it was yesterday. he said, “The worst thing this company ever did was promote Potatohead to a manager from a technician.” he was right of course. thanks to Potatohead an entire instrument product family went straight into the toilet. cost the company dearly.
I see it as a story of hope. It shows that Potato Heads and Butt Snorkles can dream, despite their total worthlessness they can achieve greatness. Technician, manager, maybe even be president someday.
*sniff* I’m getting all choked up.
Wad, with you the glass is always half-full isn’t it?
you optimists sicken me! sheesh.
I love this phrase it’s to the point and you do not need a squid to civilian translation book to understand its’ meaning.
On the topic The Beard was notorious for this practice. I once gave a phone screen to one of his “projects” and it took her an hour and a half to answer ten simple questions and only got 2 out of 10 correct. When I refused to call her in for a face to face interviewed he got one of his personal butt snorkelers to call her in. The kicker to all that was the butt snorkel asked her the same questions on the face to face as I asked on the phone screen. Needless to say The beard hired her in probably at a good wage too. Shortly after that hiring the layoffs started and sure enough some good techs were let go in order to protect her….blah. Karma has a way of catching up with these fools…but that my friends is another story.
Boomer