“Hey! Hey Guy! The alternator in my unit… is broken!”
TC looked up from the signal generator he was working on and laughed. He laughed and shot back at Barney, “Maybe you’d better check the starter then.”
A few of us snickered. That’s Barney for ya. Apparently he doesn’t know the difference between a RF Attenuator and an automotive alternator. Chump.

Every night this week Barney has been saying the most retarded shit I’ve ever heard. It’s obvious he doesn’t have a clue about electronics, yet here he is in Area 51 tasked with the troubleshooting and repair of complex test and measurement instruments. Supposedly Barney has a degree from college that says he is a full-fledged electronic technician. You wouldn’t know it from working with him though. He knows less about our products than I do, and that’s messed up.

“Hey! Hey Guy! My unit is unleveled.”
“Check the wheels on your instrument cart.” TC doesn’t waste a second of time when responding to Barney’s stupid announcements. Whenever Barney yells out “Hey! Hey Guy!” he’s always trying to get help from TC. Barney never calls TC by name or tries to get his attention in a calm, polite manner. Instead he yells across the test area at TC in a state of weird panic. I think it’s starting to annoy TC but for the rest of us it’s great entertainment.

Barney blurted out, “Did you know the Babylonians brewed beer?” Before anyone could respond he continued, “If you tailgate me I throw pennies at your windshield!”

“Hey! Hey Guy! What is the YO efficiency?”
“What is the YO efficiency? Huh?” Everyone was confused on that outburst from Barney. TC had to think about it for a few minutes before he realized Barney was asking about the YiG Oscillator. Barney said YO like a rapmaster thug instead of saying “why-oh.” None of us understood what he was getting at.

Barney is lost. He is hopless. He is junk. Whoever hired that guy in here deserves to be kicked in the balls. Hard.


~ by factorypeasant on January 19, 2006.

3 Responses to “Barney”

  1. You’ll get a kick out of this:

  2. Gotta remember to shorten those URLs

  3. great read Razor, thanks. i sent the guy an email with my low opinions of the computer division’s products. i never liked our PC products. god damn they were slow as shit and constantly falling apart. after the company breakup one of the issues that kept coming up in meetings was “can we get rid of all those shitty HP machines now? please?”

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