Kitchen Calamity








Sometimes, I’m really lazy. Tonight I went to start a load of dirty dishes in the dishwasher and I discovered the box of Cascade was totally empty. Holding the box upsidedown and shaking it violently only produced a light sprinkle of soap granules and a cloud of dust. Even though there’s a big ass twenty four hour grocery store right around the corner from where I live, I decided to take the easy way out. I substituted liquid dish soap for the other kind. No big deal, dish soap is dish soap. Doesn’t matter if it comes out of a bottle or a box. Right?

I learned the hard way that not all dish soaps are created equally, nor are they all universal in purpose. After I filled both compartments with green Palmolive where the dusty granulated soap usually goes, I slammed the door on the dishwasher shut and fired that sucker up. No sooner had I turned around to grab a beer I noticed suds were pouring out from under the dishwasher’s door frame. Then the kitchen floor flooded. And then soapy suds were engulfing the entire kitchen like The Blob. The mass of pure white soap suds were making a run through the utility room for the garage.

Fourty five minutes later I had beads of sweat collecting in my eyebrows. I contained the soap sludge armed only with a ratty old mop and a bottle of Negra Modelo beer.

Evidently, I fucked up. Liquid dish soap is not okay for the dishwasher. Now I know.


~ by factorypeasant on January 9, 2006.

19 Responses to “Kitchen Calamity”

  1. j00 R a f00|
    dishwasher : 1
    peasant : 0

    j00 l0s3



    p.s. plenty of suds left 4 an 3n3m4

  2. LOL – dude, I did that once. “eh! dish soap is dish soap is dish soap!” (Only, being a girl-type, I even thought, “Besides, I like this lemony-fresh scent better!”)

    Glad I liked the scent, because it hung in the air for quite a while after the Great Suds Disaster of 1992.

  3. i is be dum.

  4. Yeah, this one time i was drivin my car and ran out of gas. All I had was a few quarts of oil, I figured what the hell, gas is a bi-product of oil…

  5. hey Barley, you didn’t really do that did you? no way d00d.

  6. No, but one time when i was a kid i decided to put a garden hose into a vacuum to see how far it would eject the water. Damn I got the shit shocked outta me.

  7. Speaking of suds, you want to grab a beer tomorrow night at Murphy’s with Razor and me?

  8. absolutely Wad. have Razor gimmie a call. i’ll be off work by 6pm…

  9. Barley there has to be more weirdness to your vacuum cleaner story unless of course you’re pullin’ my leg. so give us all the wacky details. and how in the hell did you get electrocuted?

  10. We had one of those old style vacuum cleaners laying around in our garage. The one that was kind of barrel shaped, not the upright style. I always was taking shit apart as a kid to examine the inner workings. Clocks, radios and anything I could get my hands on. I figured that if I took the inner filters out of the vacuum and connected the suction hose to the air outlet, I could launch shit across the garage, toy soldiers, tennis balls, and whatever else was available. Suddenly the garden hose caught my attention. (Keep in mind that I was probably only 8 years old.) I wanted to see how far I could shoot water out of the other end. So I proceded to put the hose in the suction end, then I went and turned on the faucet. I returned to the vacuum and held the hose. I was shooting water out the end of the vacuum until I felt this tingling sensation in my hands. I realized that I was getting shocked (the old hoses had metal inside of them). I was also standing in a large puddle of water, luckily I was wearing a fairly decent pair of rubber soled shoes. I reached down to turn of the vacuum and got shocked pretty good. I decided to get out of there, so I ran across the puddle of water only to realize the damn thing was still shooting water across the garage. At that point I realized that I had two choices: If my parents caught me I was bound to get a good ass whooping or I could brave the electric shock and turn off the vacuum. Of course I didn’t consider the fact that I could just unplug the damn thing.
    I didn’t want the ass whooping, so I ran back through the puddle of water and grasped the metal power switch and got one hell of a shock before I managed to turn the vacuum off. I remember it well almost 30 years later. It is not fun having that much electricity course through your body. Damn, those shoes are the only thing that saved my stupid ass.

  11. That’s the best vacuum story I’ve ever heard.

  12. Murphy’s in Sonoma. I get off at 7, so I’ll probably be there between 7:30 and 8.
    I’ll have Razor call you.
    Barley, Shitfoot, also welcome.

  13. Here is a google map to where it is.,-122.470093&sspn=1.791058,3.609009&hl=en&q=murphys+pub+sonoma+ca&btnG=Search&latlng=38295659,-122472843,11700281532879106234


    Much better link 🙂

  15. cool, thanks guys. i thought Murphy’s was in SF. sonoma is much closer to home which means i can be much more hammered. weeeehooo!

    i’ll let shitfoot know before i split tonight but he’s working swing shift so i dunno if he can escape for the doins.

    now if Barley can make it to Murphy’s by 8pm i will truly be impressed.

  16. Thanks for the invite. Wish I could join ya. Too far to drive. When Bill and Dave’s gave me my walkin papers it only took me a couple of days to put California in my rear view mirror.

  17. FP
    My wife is talkin about a trip down there the first weekend of Feb. But I dont know if I am joining her. You still plannin a trip north in the spring?

  18. Barley i’m still planning on coming up there to see you and check out Seattle but i’m not sure spring or summer yet. we’ll talk about it soon and finalize a time that works for you guys. i have the rest of ’06 to travel so i can work around your schedule. looking forward to hangin’ out with ya again.

  19. Razor and Wad-

    good time last night hangin’ out at the pub. we’ll have to do that again soon.

    too bad it was trivia night though. heh.

    stay freaky.

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