Germ Freak

People sure are messed up.

Another one of the new guys in assembly is turning out to be somewhat of a personality problem and general headcase. He is extremely germophobic. In his little world anything and everything he comes into physical contact with is filthy. He’s also afraid of people getting too close to him so he demands employees keep their distance. I think if one of us happened to accidentally brush past him he’d probably shriek like a little girl and run out of the building. He’d have his clothing decontaminated at a biohazard waste laboratory afterward.

The Germ Freak likes to listen to AM talk radio programs while he is working which is fine. We’re allowed to have walkmans and stuff like that on the shop floor. Normal headphones aren’t good enough for him to use though because he is concerned someone else might put them on. That would be dirty. So he prefers one of those old style beige colored single ear-phone speakers that you have to jam inside your ear like a plug. He’s deathly afraid of anybody coming into contact with his precious earphone. When he leaves the area for lunch or to use the bathroom he covers his AM radio and earphone with a protective teepee of Kleenex tissues. As soon as he gets back, I’ve watched him frantically wipe the end of his earphone with fresh tissues and spittle. That’s his choice of premium disinfectant, his own saliva. Germ Freak spits on anything he deems unclean. It’s a nasty habit.

Sometimes when he’s gone out for lunch I like to relocate his radio just a few inches from where he placed it on his workbench. I don’t do anything else to it. He’s noticed. Usually he flips out and demands to know who touched his belongings. Nobody has a clue except for myself of course so I sit back and enjoy watching the fireworks as he gets more and more frustrated. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t get such a rise out of the obsessive idiot.

Before working here at Bill and Dave’s company, Germ Freak was a security guard in a shopping mall. He told me he was married, which I scoffed at. I find it hard to believe that any woman could put up with such a strange guy. While working security at the mall, Germ Freak said he began taking notes on various shops that had pretty girls running the sales floors and cash registers. He drew a map of the mall and put X marks on shops that had girls he thought were attractive and wrote down an approximation of their work schedules. Then he methodically began chatting each one of them up over a period of months until he got a date. Most of the women rejected him, but one girl took him up on his advances and now she is his wife. That’s how he met her. Germ Freak’s story sounded super creepy to me. When he finished telling me all about his girl-hunting escapades at the mall I said, “You are a stalker. Nice.” From his reaction it was obvious he was greatly offended by my comment and Germ Freak hasn’t talked to me much since. Heh.

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~ by factorypeasant on December 13, 2005.

3 Responses to “Germ Freak”

  1. Just going from your description, the guy might have clinical obsessive-compulsive disorder. OCD often manifests in obsession over germs and contamination, with irrational behaviors that alleviate the anxiety. It can be hard to treat, and a lot of OCD treatment ends up being about taking the edge off and diverting the compulsions into manageable rituals that don’t hurt anything or intefere with social interactions.

    As for the guy’s ostensible wife, I dunno. OCD can make it very hard to have a normal intimate friendship if the obsession hangs on fears of foreign contact and contamination. It does work out with some OCD people who come to accept their partners as “home” and non-foreign. Tricky, though.

    Or, he might just be another pathetic Santa Rosa basket case with nothing better to do but indulge a minor neurosis. 🙂

  2. I had a boss once who would arrange everything on his desk just so. One of our drivers, Aldo, noticed this and would sneakily move things just a little to try and mess with him. The weird thing is: the boss would just move everything right back when he saw it, never get pissed or say anything. Then one day his wife caught him making the sign of the three-fisted aardvark with some bar floozy in the company van after hours at the shop. So, there you go.

  3. dont forget teh finger cots…

    shit_foot

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