Do You Eat Meat?

Tonight at work I was too lazy to go out somewhere to buy lunch so I called up one of the local pizza joints that’s got good grub and had a pie delivered. It’s always a little stressful getting a pizza delivered here because the driver has to head to the main lobby and get security to give me a call in my department. Too many things can go wrong which will screw the whole deal up. The time they tell me the delivery will arrive could be way off, the driver can get lost wandering around the building parking lots looking for the lobby, security might not let the guy in, or someone might need my help elsewhere in the plant and I will miss the phone call that my food has arrived. It’s all happened before. Just to be on the safe side I usually will take the walk through the campus about fifteen minutes before delivery time and camp out in the lobby so nothing stupid happens. I learned another important lesson concerning delivered pizzas this evening. Don’t place the call within earshot of fellow coworkers who also might be hungry.

As soon as I got off the phone making my sausage and pepperoni pizza order, Meth and Mr. Mo wanted in on my lunch and thrust handfuls of cash in my face. I should have told both of them to fuck off and die, but I’ve already got enough problems in here with these people so I took the coward’s way out. I said sure and accepted their loot. At the same time I was angry with myself for doing it because I was ravenous. I can easily down damn near a whole large pizza alone when I’m this starved. Only getting a third of it will be a meager snack. I’ll probably be hungry again a few hours afterward, thanks to them.

Fourty five minutes later I returned from the lobby with pizza box in hand and a scowl on my face. Meth, Mr. Mo and myself set up in a recently vacated area of floorspace ajacent to the Precision Group’s assembly benches. They set up a round conference table with a few chairs and grabbed a stack of shoddy light brown napkins from one of the nearby coffee stations. I hate those napkins. Screw Murderer was sitting at a board mod workbench nearby. While I was concentrating on feeding my neck as much greasy grub as possible, Meth started bothering Screw Murderer. He asked her, “Do you eat meat”? Screw Murderer got this horrified look on her face and she sternly said, “No” in response. Meth snickered. He wasn’t asking her if she ate meat as in food, he was pulling a junior high school joke on her. He meant did she eat meat as in sucking cock. There’s no way she would know this, she’s an old Vietnamese with traditional values and culture.

Mr. Mo caught on and thought it was funny, so he started in on her too. “Yeah, you should eat meat. Eat a cow it’s good for you”. Both of them were laughing like idiots. I kept chowing down. I could tell Screw Murderer was getting upset at these guys because the tone of her voice was becoming more high pitched and waivered like she was going to cry or something. She yelled at them, “No! I no eat meat! It my religion!” They continued laughing and kept terrorizing her. Just before it looked to me like she was going to burst into tears and run off the line I said under my breath to both of these nitwits to knock it off. “You guys know she’s weird about that shit. She’s gonna freak out here if you keep it up and guess what’s gonna happen? She’ll head straight for management and mess you guys up”. Meth balked at the idea and Mr. Mo ignored me completely.

I tried to warn them.


~ by factorypeasant on September 5, 2005.

One Response to “Do You Eat Meat?”

  1. Bwuahahahahahahahahaha

    i bet she ate pork tho…

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