Babysitting The Eat Monster

Last night after Eat Monster shocked herself with high voltage at the power supply station the first time, I walked over to where she was sitting and asked her if she was okay. She was stunned but as the shock faded and her motor skills came back, she farted on me. This wasn’t an ordinary fart. No sir. This was a fart that would have registered on the richter scale and smelled like a sewer pipe in the building had ruptured. It was awful. As soon as Eat Monster let it rip, she put her hand over her mouth and in a high pitched fairy godmother like voice she said, “Tee Hee! I farted.” There was a newsflash.

Before the end of the shift Eat Monster managed to electrocute herself two more times. Each time she screwed up either Supertech or myself walked over to check on her. I yelled at her for not using insulated tools, the proper ones for the job sitting right in front of her stupid face. She ignored me, I have no idea why. And she kept farting. God damn it was loud. We tried to coax her into doing something else in the area for the night but she resisted the offers of a less dangerous job for some reason. Maybe she was determined to beat the power supply station like it was a game she could win with enough effort and skill. Perhaps she felt it was a challenge to conquer as if she was climbing the peak of Mt. Everest. There was nothing we could do but sit back and observe her roast herself with high voltage. At least it didn’t seem to stop her heart or cause anything life threatening. She was already wacky so I couldn’t tell if the repeated shocks made her any more goofy. She was already super loopy.

Squirmy got our messages about what happened the previous night and he had a short talk with us this afternoon. He told us Eat Monster is on medication for some “problems” but he wouldn’t elaborate as to what meds she is taking or what her problems specifically are. It is clear they hired in a certified nutjob with this one. Great. He talked with the Nurse about Eat Monster and for the time being Squirmy and the Nurse are going to alternate coming in at night to babysit her to make sure she is okay. In the meantime, Eat Monster is not to go anywhere near the power supply test rack. It is now forbidden territory and our job is to keep her as far away as possible from it. Easy enough. I just hope she doesn’t find something else in our production area to fixate on and injure herself with. If she’s that stupid to fry herself multiple times with high voltage what’s to stop her from guzzling rubber cement or spraying acetone into her own eye sockets? She will more than likely find some other way to electrocute herself on our instruments. It’s all so stupid. They should just admit they made a serious mistake hiring this person and get her the hell out of here.

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~ by factorypeasant on July 24, 2005.

2 Responses to “Babysitting The Eat Monster”

  1. That’s freakin’ amazing. Nearly everytime I hear about someone being shocked it makes me think of that Steve Martin stand-up routine where he pretends to get shocked by his mic and then gets the laugh by pretending to like it and going back for another dose. Eat Monster’s story takes the laugh right out of that joke.

    I wonder what warning labels came with her medication… “Do not use while electrocuting yourself.”

  2. she really was a total screwup. we were all relieved when they finally got rid of her. took way too long in my opinion.

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