8.20.1996

There was little if any real greatfulness in my heart for Shamu. Nevertheless I emailed her a thank you letter. If it wasn’t for her personal friendship and influence with The Drunk I might not have been brought back. The thank you letter was something I had to do. I’ll never forget what a lousy manager Shamu was when I worked for her in the PC Board department.

I really don’t know what to do with Jennifer. Another benefit the company has given us all while we’re working on the product transfer is round trip airfare once a month to either fly home for a weekend or fly someone up here to visit. I am going to avoid heading home because I think it will make me much more homesick and depressed. I hate flying anyway. Should I let Jennifer use this month’s ticket to come up here again? Should I move out of Jennifer’s house when I head home and just get my shit together? Right now I feel like nothing is there for me. I really wish I knew Jennifer. The only way that would happen is if I could somehow read her mind. Maybe I’d finally be able to understand her. I try, but most of the time I keep guessing as to what I should do or how I should react to her. I need to not try to figure out women. People keep giving me advice to that effect. Problem is I frequently run into trouble with them and it makes me sit down and stare into a corner while saying to myself over and over again, “What the fuck just happened”?

The people I’ve talked to all seem to think something is horribly wrong with Jennifer. Nobody can tell me exactly what it is, and I have nothing to gauge it against. Most of the time I blame myself. I suppose the reason I’m still with her is because I have a hope that things will get better. They never really do. Once in a while something good happens between us and that makes me wait around for the next time. I’m out of my mind most of the time in her house. I had a gut feeling things would be bad with her and looking back on it now I wish I had followed my instincts. I never should have left B Street.

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~ by factorypeasant on January 17, 2005.

5 Responses to “8.20.1996”

  1. Sounds like a nutcase, but don’t dismiss the idea that she went through some heavy shit when she was young. That’s what it sounds like to me.
    T.C.

  2. Yeah, you’re right, Time Cheater. I’ll be getting to a counsellor’s take on what was wrong with Jennifer soon.

    So. Are you a diesel mechanic yet? Are you already cheating on your time cards when you clock in and out every day at the garage? How you like that blue collar or yours? I bet that shade of blue goes really well with your eyes…

  3. So you remember the color of my eyes. That makes me feel special.
    TC

  4. You are special TC, and you too, Factory_Peasant…and I miss the fine company of both of you! Your writing is wonderful and touching,Mr.Peasant,and I am hooked on your story. Ex-tech

  5. hey thanks, Ex-tech. i miss working with you too, it you’re who i think you are. are you a crazy woman with red hair?? if so, we had some good times in Area 51 didn’t we…

    can’t wait to write about Barney.

    Barney- “Hey! Hey guy! I tink this unit alternator unleveled!”

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