Unwanted Guest

Senor Random set up a large self-loading cat food dumpster thing in the back room of the house for Emur and Shamus. Our one-eyed late night house beast comes out of the basement whenever he’s hungry and happily munches away. Emur sneaks back there to chow down frequently as she never seems to get enough. All has been well for our little house pets until the last couple of weeks. At first I thought they were being extra weird so I didn’t pay them much attention, but then things became more odd.

Munching at the dry cat food was becoming significantly louder at night. There was more of a “crack crack crack” sound coming from Emur and Shamus’ back room dining hall. Then, I noticed either Shamus or Emur would not go anywhere near their food while the strange sounds were occuring. Being the dumb human that I am, I figured it was the other cat I didn’t currently see at the time. A few nights passed. Walking through the back room one day I noticed the air smelled funny. It was a pungent, musky odor. “What the fuck caused that?” I thought. I kept walking out the back to my car and locked the house door behind me. More evenings passed. “Crack crack crackity snap” almost every night back there. It was loud enough you could easily hear it in the front living rooms. The smell was getting worse. Huh? What is this all about, anyway?

One night I came home and went into the bathroom to unload a processed six pack. In my rush to relieve myself I didn’t bother to turn on the lights. As I was doing my business, I sniffed the air. What the hell? That same screwy smell from the back room was up here in the second floor bathroom now. I flushed and turned on the lights. I stepped back at what I saw. The trash can in the bathroom had been dumped over and it’s contents were scattered all over the place. Ripped up fast food containers, shredded drink cups, food scraps, the works were everywhere. This was fucking weird. I had a mystery on my hands, the familiar stink somehow connected these happenings. But, as usual, when I passed out that night and woke up the next day I forgot all about it.

More nights passed. I was getting used to the incessant “crack crack crack” cat food noises. Finally, one evening as it was deadly still and quiet downstairs I heard the usual racket and Shamus who was sitting on the kitchen floor right around the corner from me leaked out a pathetic, almost sad sounding “meow.” I was on the couch with my feet resting upon the coffee table drinking a beer and reading a book. I couldn’t see him from where I was but I knew it was him. I quietly got up and looked around the corner to where I expected him to be. He would be sitting right outside the back entrance to the kitchen where he likes to watch me with his one glowing eye and scare the shit out of me late at night. As I poked my head around the corner and spotted him, I did a double-take. Emur was sitting right next to him and both of the cats looked like they were unhappy. Meanwhile the “crack crack crack” was coming from the darkness in the back room. Shit! Now I know what’s going on! We have an invader!


~ by factorypeasant on December 26, 2004.

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