Lunch With Hammerhead

Hammerhead cornered me the other day in the lunchroom and sat down at my table. She doesn’t go out of her way to talk to me much anymore since Gabe got hired. Poor guy. Hehehehe. Anyway I was grubbin’ out at a table by myself minding my own business when Hammerhead came into the room. No one else was on the second floor of the building. It was silent and still. She fixed up some stuff in a microwave and then headed straight over to where I was and sat down right next to me. Ugh. I did my best to be polite and feign interest in whatever it was she was talking about but for the most part I just buried my gaze into my plate of food. I was making the best of a bad situation and blocking out most of her yammering. I interjected a ‘uhuh’ or a ‘yep’ every now and again to make it appear as if I was following along.

All was well until she mentions her kids have foot-and-mouth disease. I almost spit up my grub. I looked straight at her and asked what the fuck that was all about. Then she tells me they got this stuff that sounds like a disease livestock can get and how she was wondering if food she got out of the trash cans had something to do with it. I was mortified. She’s been digging through garbage cans and feeding her two children scraps she finds in there and feeding them old unclaimed leftovers from the lunchroom refridgerator. Holy fuck. I haven’t run across one of these wackos since 5th grade. One of the 5th grade Christian school teachers we had used to tell us about how he dug stuff out of the trash to feed to his family because he didn’t want it to go to ‘waste’. I realize things are hard for people these days but come on. There’s always something you can do other than eat out of a garbage can.

Insane, man. Just insane.

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~ by factorypeasant on November 30, 2004.

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