Exploding Vacuum Cleaner

I’ve warned the guys at the B Street house about using a vacuum to clean the livingroom carpets, but they never listen. B Street is Animal House for reals. Decades of abuse from College and High School drunks throwing keg parties that have seen up to 250 people show up in a single night. The place is mangy, run down, and wasted. All of the downstairs carpets are that thick shag junk from my least favorite decade of the 20th century. There are all kinds of hazards hidden in the carpet’s seemingly comfortable and innocent fluffy tufts. That’s why I don’t walk barefoot in the livingrooms. I’ll end up with a small rusty nail through a toe, or a piece of broken beer bottle glass, or maybe a thumbtack in my foot.

Senor Random decided to be a good house mate and vacuum the front livingroom. I warned him that it was foolishness and to just sit back and have a beer, but he decided otherwise. He started in on the front livingroom where the ping pong table used to be (Senor Random broke the table down and put it in the back yard on the ground so he could park one of his Volkswagons over it. He was worried about the car sinking into the mud. And no, he didn’t ask anyone if it was okay to do that with the table). Not two minutes into his cleaning frenzy the vacuum started making this horrible whine. Smoke poured out of it and then it made a loud bang. The electric motor seized. I just stood there laughing at him. It was his vacuum and I did warn him.

We turned it upsidedown and started checking out the intake on it and discovered one of Senor Strange’s bass guitar strings had been picked up by the vacuum and it got wrapped around the brush axle so tightly that we couldn’t cut it off. The vacuum was ruined. Senor Strange has been using the front livingroom as a makeshift music studio and he busts his guitar strings alot. Then he just throws them on the floor where the shag carpet gobbles them up never to be seen again. It’s like a anti-vacuum cleaner minefield in there.

Senor Random recently stole us another vacuum cleaner from the pink apartment building across the street. He knows some girl that lives there now and spotted our new one in a hallway over there so he swiped it. That’s cool, I just hope these goofballs don’t try to clean up down here again. There’s no point to it. Really.

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~ by factorypeasant on November 28, 2004.

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