Hammerhead And Mr. Janitor

Man am I glad to be back on swing shift. I love working those hours. Get to sleep in every damn day, stay up all night drinking beers if I want to and I’m never hung over. On swing shift every weeknight is a Friday night. It’s true. Another bonus is I can run errands in the early part of the afternoon while all the 9 to 5 slobs are stuck in front of their desks. Yes, it’s definetly good to be a night owl again.

I got my first review at TDS. There wasn’t a wage increase with it unfortunately but the overall write up I got was pretty damn good. I’m sure this will put me in a decent position for a raise by the time I’m due for my next review. That should take place later in the year. The only problem my nice boss had with me was my attendance. It got spotty for a while because I was so sick the beginning of this winter season. Not having any medical benefits didn’t really help either. I kept buying over the counter medicines at the drug store and none of it did much good. I was laid up in bed ill alot longer than I should have been.

The night crew at TDS is very small. There’s only a few of us in the Closed Area, one or two in commercial, one guy who runs a wafer cutter all night long, a greasy Janitor, and maybe a couple of other people in areas I don’t know anything about yet. There’s this one woman over on the other side of the building I try to stay the hell away from. I call her Hammerhead. Hammerhead is one of those unfortunate people that comes into the world after mother nature played a cruel trick. She’s damn hard to look at. Very short, very wide, with a big old round head and an eye spot at either side of her skull. The first time I saw her it made me cringe and I thought of a Hammerhead shark hence her nickname. She has poor taste in outfits most of the time she reminds me of a nurse because she wears flower print tops that look like hospital scrubs and she has her hair cut in a Mullet. I always hated the way that haircut looked on people.

Hammerhead sat down at my table a couple of times in the lunch room when I first started on the night shift. No one else was around and I hadn’t really chatted with her yet so I did the polite thing and yapped with her. Boy, was that a big mistake. That woman is a black hole of need. She has suffered through a terrible life and it was way too much information that I didn’t need to know about. Basically she ended up married to a Mexican guy that already had a wife and family in Mexico. He wanted citizenship here in the States so he found Hammerhead and had two children with her and got married. Most of the time he doesn’t see the children here or her for that matter. He stays in Mexico and only visits them once or twice a year. He doesn’t seem to support them financially either so they are very poor. Life’s rough.

Mr. Janitor is kind of an asshole. I never really talked with him or even saw him much around the building until now. He works four ten hour shifts Monday through Thursdays and then he takes Fridays off. We all breathe a sigh of relief on Fridays knowing he isn’t going to be around. His schedule is more like a split shift, I guess. He comes in to work in the late morning and works part of the way through swing shift. Then he bails out. There are a couple of annoying things about this guy. One, he thinks he’s some sort of a shift manager so he is rude to employees here and he bosses them around. He doesn’t even know what most of the people do here so how can he get away with that? I asked management about him and they said he has no authority to tell anyone to do anything. Interesting. Two, he’s a Jeesus freaked bible thumper. If he gets even a minute of your time I guarantee you’re gonna learn about how great the Lord is. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve been down that road for too many years of my life and I’m sick of it. When he comes into the Closed Area to wax the floors and vacuum the ceiling tiles or whatever other Janitor bullshit he’s got to do we have to babysit him the whole time. It’s fucked because he generally won’t shut his fat mouth. We’ve got to sit there and take it.

One evening I got stuck with babysitting Mr. Janitor. I got dumped on because no one else in the area wanted to do it. They all kinda hate the guy. So, I let him into the room and he brought his prized posession. It’s a tiny black HEPA filter vacuum cleaner. He told me over and over again about how special it was and how it cost over a thousand dollars to buy one. Big deal. I followed him around the room while he was vacuuming away and then he started in again about the Jeesus junk. I rolled my eyes and tried to think of anything else while he rambled on. I daydreamed about hubcaps, hot broads, beers, anything. Didn’t matter what it was as long as I could shut out the drone of Mr. Janitor’s stupid voice. He spotted the rings on my left hand and asked if I was married. I told him that I wasn’t married, those were my Masonic rings. Little did I know that Mr. Janitor was one of those really evil Christians, the empty-headed fundamentalist kind that are brainwashed early on that Freemasons are all Satanists and shit. Our conversation started to heat up bigtime after that.

Whenever I get roped into doing battle with one of these guys I really laugh on the inside. Beady eyed Christians like this believe in alot of kindergarten crap, like there’s witches and warlocks, and demons hiding under every bed. Mr. Janitor has been programmed to think that Freemasons are Satanic because they believe in something that isn’t God, but they don’t have a clue as to what Freemasonry is really all about. It’s actually one of the most positive things I’ve ever done in my life, and in my opinion it’s also one of the most Patriotic things a person could do. Most of the founding fathers of the United States were Freemasons. The fraternity was instrumental in helping establish our country. The money in your wallet is loaded with Masonic symbols and references. So every time I hear one of these nutcases cry that Freemasonry is against God I bust up. They’re basically calling George Washington a Satanist. I mean come on, do you honestly think the revolutionary general and first President of the United States was a devil worshipper? Get real. I shut the fat slob down when I mentioned that every time he puts a few dollars in the hat at his church to look closely at all the Masonic symbols and remember that he’s putting a little bit of the Devil in the collection plate every Sunday. He finished up his cleaning job and then I booted him out of the Closed Area. Good riddance.


~ by factorypeasant on November 21, 2004.

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