Oldsmobile Attack


Last Night The Colonel and I went out to dinner. He showed up here at the B Street house the exact moment I was pulling into the driveway coming home from work. As I was parking in the back yard I misjudged my turn to park behind my Oldsmobile and plouged the Cougar into the side of our chicken-coop garage thing. The front fender hit the wood hard and got bent a teeny bit. I splintered the hell out of the corner of the garage. Crunched it good. I was embarrased about what I had just done because The Colonel walked down the driveway and got there just in time to see me rake the wall. Neither The Colonel or I had anything to eat all day so as soon as I got the Cougar squared away and inspected the damage we left to go out to eat something. It turned out he had some important news to tell me.

Around 2:30am Tuesday night The Colonel came by the house to hang out on his way home. He had been in the city earlier that night decked out in a tuxedo and black overcoat for the opera. When he got to our front door and started knocking to see who was around, he looked through the front window hoping for some signs of life. As he was peeking inside he saw the silhouettes of three figures on top of our garage in the back of the house. The Colonel quickly and quietly walked down the gravel driveway and crept up to the wall of the garage that was closest to the three miscreants. There are no lights in our back lot so none of them noticed The Colonel was now standing only a few feet away from them on the ground. At that point he pulled his semi-auto pistol from his breast pocket and aimed it at the head of the man closest to him. He said he was maybe four feet away from the guy and he still hadn’t seen him yet. From the way they were acting it sounded like they had designs on stealing the Oldsmobile. It’s a rare car, actually. 1962 Oldsmobile Starfire that’s light mettalic blue with a pure white top. It’s got a high compression 394cu. in. V8 that GM only made for a couple of years. 1961 and ’62 was it I think.

In the dark it takes some time for eyes to adjust, and the would-be criminals must have been blind for a while as they formed their plan. When the guy perched closest to the edge of the rooftop finally noticed someone was pointing a gun to his head he was startled. As he saw the pistol pointed at him from a figure below, he tipped his top hat to The Colonel in a very polite manner and then all three of them got up from where they had been crouching and fled over the rooftop and down the back of the garage. There’s a walkway between the edge of our lot and the new high rise parking garage. They jumped off the roof and ran away down the walkway to the other end of the block. Somehow I don’t think they will be back. I couldn’t thank The Colonel enough. If he hadn’t dropped by that night who knows what would have happened to the Olds. I’m already real paranoid about the car and Senor 23 suggested we put a motion sensitive floodlight back there. I think that’s an excellent idea.


~ by factorypeasant on November 20, 2004.

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