Repo Man

Two weeks ago Senor Random called me up at home with a request. He wanted my help repossessing one of his cars from his ex-girlfriend Heather. He figured I’d be up for the mayhem, and I readily agreed to help get the job done. I do enjoy comitting evil deeds against pesky ex-girlfriends for the cause of justice. I don’t know why Senor Random and Heather broke up and to be honest it’s none of my damn business anyway. So I didn’t ask why he suddenly moved out of their place about a month ago. Apparently Heather didn’t have a working car though and Senor Random has a fleet of classic Volkswagons so he lent her a light blue VW truck.

The agreement they had together was she would only need the VW for a week or two until Heather got a different car. From the sound of things I guess those couple of weeks passed, and Senor Random never heard from her. Then he called over there a few times and Heather never returned the calls. At that point he figured Heather was delibrately avoiding him and I suspect he got worried about the fate of his precious VW truck.

I met Heather at their place and talked to her only a few times in recent months. She’s a blonde of average height, very plain looking, and her face has somewhat of a cherubic quality. Her cheeks are kinda puffy. I don’t remember her ever saying anything interesting in conversation. I did notice she always smelled funny, like wet horse combined with fresh hay. Or maybe it was wet hay and fresh horse. I don’t know which, all I know is she always smelled of stable-funk whenever she was around. I think Senor Random mentioned once that she worked at a horse place of some kind. Actually, maybe it was simply that she owned a horse. Oh well it doesn’t matter. Heather smelled mangy. That’s all you need to know.

My plan to repossess the VW was simple. Do it on a weeknight around 3am. Everyone is dead asleep by three in the morning. The cops are usually busy rounding up drunks as they flee the local dive bars and try to run the police gauntlet. As luck would have it, on the night we did the job there was a heavy downpour of rain. Even better to do crimes in the rain because if you do happen to make some racket just outside someone’s bedroom window they will never suspect it’s anything other than noise from the storm. It would make no sense for anyone to be peeking out a window every few minutes just to see what that last noise was. So I feel like I can operate with more confidence that I won’t get caught. Crime does pay, actually. They just don’t want you to know that. You do have to put a little thought into it though.

The repo job went much smoother and faster than I expected. Senor Random and Heather’s place was in a rural part of town on the slope of a hillside. I drove us to the neighborhood and parked on a downhill side street about three blocks away. We walked to the house and Senor Random got in the truck, pulled the brake, and steered the vehicle down the driveway as I pushed. The driveway was all dirt and gravel that opened up to a long steep decline. Once we got it aimed in the right direction and the truck picked up momentum I hopped in. The truck rolled smoothly and silently to where I had parked my car. It took Senor Random less than five minutes to hotwire his truck. I asked him why the hell he was hotwiring his own car and he mentioned that he only had one set of keys. Obviously Heather had them. I imagine she must have been a little surprised to find no VW in the driveway that morning. Hehe.

Senor Random didn’t have a place to store the truck short term so I saved him a spot at the back of the B Street house. Heather had never been over to my place so she would never think to look for it there. Personally I don’t think she would have looked for it anyway but Senor Random was so paranoid about it that he wasn’t taking any chances. Whatever. I was happy to help. Late night crimes like that are always fun.

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~ by factorypeasant on October 5, 2004.

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